Single Mothers At Greater Risk For Depression
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Title: SINGLE MOTHERS AT GREATER RISK FOR DEPRESSION Author:
Dave Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW E-mail:
mailto:editor@overcoming-depression.com Copyright: by Dave
Turo-Shields, ACSW, LCSW Web Address:
http://www.Overcoming-Depression.com Word Count: 934 Category:
DEPRESSION
SINGLE MOTHERS AT GREATER RISK FOR DEPRESSION
In a recent study of 2,921 single and married mothers it was
discovered that single mothers have a 40% higher incidence of
major depression, with a depressive episode lasting an average
of 12 months.
There are two primary areas that catapult single mothers into
depression. These are:
1. Increased number of life stresses
2. Decreased amount of social support
These findings correlate strongly with my experience in working
with depressed, single mothers. What the research did not
address was the Catch-22 that single mothers are in.
If you are a single parent you already know what I am about to
say. If a non-married, childless adult observed all that a
single parent does throughout a day, they would need two days
sleep to recover from watching such an exhausting day in the
life of a single mom.
A single mother often does the work of three people on any given
day. Now, ask that single-mother to take time to reduce a
stressor and increase her social support system and boy are you
in for a fight!
There does not appear to be a way out. It's love, duty, hard
work and little sleep for single moms.
Is there a better way?
Yes! However, before presenting it to a single mother, you'd
better make doubly sure you've done a glorious job of attempting
to understand what her average day is like, FIRST!
When an individual is heard, and I mean really listened to from
the heart, they have a tendency to open up ("Seek first to
understand..."). Then you may have the opportunity to offer
suggestions.
Now, let's flip the coin. Single mothers are often not just
exhausted, but can also be jaded, indignant, prideful and
stubborn. Life has not turned out the way they dreamed it would.
Perhaps there were marital dreams, dreams of the perfect home,
dreams of providing the best for their children, dreams of
spending more time with their children and dreams of being the
perfect family and more. All lost.
In place of those dreams they may have bitter feelings over the
marital loss, less than optimal living situations, no "play"
time with their children, visitation issues, child support
issues, financial stress and the list could go on for many more
pages, couldn't it?
If you are a stressed-out single mom, please pay special and
close attention to what I wrote above (maybe read it twice)...
then read on.
Here are some ways to make your life easier. They are listed in
no particular order, except if you are moderately- to-severally
depressed. If that's the case then Major Depression (diagnosed
by a professional) demands prompt attention first and foremost.
Please, please take care of you! A few folks are counting on you
to ;-)
1. Immediately seek help medically and professionally for
depression. 2. Live forgiven towards yourself and others. 3.
Compromise with that critical "Inner Judge" that only seems to
want to persecute you unfairly. 4. Put down your pride and take
ALL the help you can get -- if people offer, accept; if you need
help, ask! 5. Implement "quickie" stress relievers such as deep
breathing, going to a getaway in the mind, a quick 10 minute hot
shower... 6. Get organized and/or ask for help in doing so. It's
especially important to do so around daily routines such as
morning rituals, after-school rituals, chores, mealtimes, baths,
bedtimes and family fun time. 7. Keep the clutter-bug out of
your life. Commit to only looking at mail once. Recycle
household items continually -- if you're out of space, it's time
to recycle. Get your kids involved. 8. Create a single parent
co-op, where you can switch on and off with transporting kids,
doing house or apartment projects, babysitting for each other...
9. Are you doing for your children what they can do for
themselves? Feed their sense of mastery and independence. They
often will feel great knowing they have helped their family out
in some way. 10. Keep a sense of humor. Many a single mother has
told me, "If I didn't laugh I don't know what I'd do." 11. Get
your children involved in camps, church, Sunday Bible School,
Big Brother/Big Sister Programs, mentoring programs. Let others
offer what you don't have the time or energy to offer. 12. Seek
financial advice. Having direction and a plan sure beats
constant worrying! 13. Keep a family calendar. It's nice to
allow your kids to be in activities, but don't overdo it -- one
per season is a good rule. 14. Make a list of stressors. Decide
what you have direct control over and focus there, first -- in
ways that you can. With the other items, learn to let go. 15.
Take itty-bitty timeouts just for you! I once knew of a mom that
bought a wild-looking red bath robe. The rule was when mom came
out of her room with that robe on, no one was allowed to ask for
anything unless the house was on fire. 16. Playing off the co-op
idea above, create a single mothers support group. Single
mothers are one of THE most creative and resourceful groups on
the planet! Why not take full advantage of that! Rotate child
care from meeting to meeting, receive support directly from
others who've been there and pool your resources.
There's no doubt about it, you've been carved out for a very
special job here on earth. Your job description is longer than
Santa's gift list.
The ideas above do work and are working in single mothers' lives
right now. Pick just one area and begin there. When it's ALL
overwhelming, simply start where you're at. If you need help,
just let me know.