Why Women Are Directionally Dyslexic
I've known a couple of women who aren't and I've heard of a
couple of men who are. But mainly, directions exchanged between
the sexes are exercises in futility.
When Mrs. Stupidman gives me directions I need a big piece of
paper. Her directions are based on rights, lefts and landmarks.
Go past the Wal-Mart, turn left at the big sign, look for the
house with the puce shutters (What's puce?), then go two houses
further on the opposite side.
"What's the address?" "I don't know, but you can't miss it."
"From what direction did you assume I was coming when you began
the instructions?" "Huh?"
"The Wal-Mart is on the corner of an intersection. Should I go
north, south, east or west from the Wal-Mart?" "Huh?"
"Should I head towards Kansas, Arkansas, Texas or California?"
(We live in Oklahoma.) "Oh, Arkansas."
I realize I don't pay attention to landmarks. I don't notice the
new stores, the pretty signs, the big tree. I'm limited to
primary colors and even with that I have trouble distinguishing
blues from greens.
When I was younger I tried to accommodate women by giving
landmark directions but I was a failure.
One time my sister wanted directions to a new shopping center. I
told her to go past three red lights before making a right turn.
She got lost and blamed me. Turned out I should have said
traffic light instead of red light.
Mrs. Stupidman and I used to have a lot of conflict over
directions. She thought my smug expressions and tone were
condescending (not me).
But then one day I picked up a book entitled "Sex On The Brain".
Unfortunately, the title was deceiving and it was really about
clinical studies that attempted to explain differences for how
women and men process information. But I read it anyway.
One particular study had to do with rats. All of the rats were
put in a maze that had white wall panels with food placed at the
maze exit. The exit path had colored panels, serving as
landmarks, to mark the correct turns. After a little practice
the rats found the food. The path was changed repeatedly but as
long as colored panels were used all the rats found the food.
Then, white panels were substituted for the colored panels. The
males still found the food but the females were hopelessly lost.
They cut up all the rat brains (sorry) and found one section of
the male brain that was lumpier (some of these scientific terms
are just unavoidable) than the female brain. The researchers
postulated that the lumpiness was the result of the need to
develop advanced locator abilities so the male rats could find
their way back to previously discovered food sources while the
female cared for the little ratlings.
Then, they cut up human brains (I'm sure they were already dead)
and found the same differences.
So, there you have it. I am much more accepting now that I know
that women are directionally dyslexic. On the other hand, men
might be mutants.
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