Important Elements for a Satisfying Romantic Relationship
Most adults would agree that a regular pattern of sexual
intercourse is one of the most important elements for a stable
and satisfying romantic relationship. Research shows that
couples who are physically/sexually compatible generally report
higher levels of relationship satisfaction, compared to couples
who have sexual difficulties.
For men, sexual contact is one of the best methods for creating
and maintaining relational closeness. More directly, men will
often seek sex as a way of relieving stress, expressing strong
feelings, and as a preferred method for connecting. Most men
will agree that they are visually stimulated, and able to become
aroused quite quickly.
For women, though, sexual contact is more complex. Women
experience sexual arousal in a more diffuse way than men,
meaning that a woman will become aroused through a combination
of thoughts, feelings, sights and sounds. This delicate
interplay can mean the difference between "sorry honey, not
tonight" and "sorry honey, no way".
While all women, at some point, will decline sexual advances,
the more frequent these denials, the greater the possibility
that the woman is experiencing low sexual desire or low libido.
Low libido, in women, is generally defined as a decreased
interest or decreased desire in sexual contact, as well as
difficulties becoming aroused or climaxing during sex.
As a woman's level of sexual desire can be influenced by
thoughts, feelings, sights, and sounds; it may not be surprising
to note that there are multiple reasons women may experience low
libido.
Some of these reasons include extreme stress, sleep deprivation,
poor self image, depression & anxiety. Relationship problems and
hormonal difficulties can also lead to low libido. It's
estimated that approximately 30-40 million women suffer from low
libido in the United States. And it's not unreasonable to think
that every women will experience it at least once in her life,
especially when faced with significant life changes (job loss,
financial strain ), physical changes (menopause or weight
fluctuations) or sleep deprivation (birth of child, extreme
stress).
When a women fears she has low libido, she may feel inadequate
or inferior. These negative feelings can be exacerbated by the
media, who often portray a ready, willing, and active female as
the ideal sexual partner. Decreased libido can lead to feelings
of inadequacy which can lead to even further decreased sexual
interest, leading to more inadequacy- and so on. This can create
a vicious cycle.
Women with low libido may feel pressured or coerced into having
sex with their partner, which can lead to resentment and even
greater sexual avoidance. If women are feeling fat, or
unattractive, they may seek to delay or prevent sexual intimacy
so they do not have to feel vulnerable or uncomfortable about
their looks.
Taken together, low libido can wreak havoc with an otherwise
satisfying and committed relationship. So, in this situation,
what is a couple to do?
The first step is to communicate about the problems. In a
supportive and loving conversation, both partners should be free
to express how they feel and what impact the decrease in sexual
frequency is having on their relationship. It's very important
to create a climate of mutual concern and respect, and to avoid
finger pointing or blaming each other for these sexual problems.
The second step may be to schedule a medical exam to rule out-
or find solutions for- any medical issues which might be
contributing to low libido, such as hormonal changes,
medications, or physical illnesses and ailments.
The third step would be to find a place of common agreement on
sexual frequency within the relationship. Each partner should
recognize that, sometimes, intimacy is needed for the
relationship as a whole, not just for the individual needs of
each member of the couple. Think about what is best for the
relationship, not just what one member would desire or prefer.
Finally, find ways to strengthen the relationship outside of the
bedroom. Talk about dreams, hopes, and desires. Make plans for
the future. Show affection freely, even when it may not lead to
sexual intercourse. In essence, demonstrate love and caring for
each other more of the time.
When both partners feel safe, nurtured, and cared for, medical
conditions have been addressed, and there is ongoing
conversation and mutual respect, it's likely that, over time,
sexual interest will return, and the relationship will be
stronger for having survived this experience.