Living with a stutter
Having a stutter can effect people in many different ways. Some
people who stutter fear certain words beginning with certain
letters and will try and avoid these words or will think of an
alternative word to say. When I had a stutter or as I called it
"stammer" I found words beginning with "b" especially hard to
say. I also found d,g,k,p and v words difficult. In time I
became an expert at word avoidance or substitution.
The affects at school though were that I was always afraid that
I would be asked to read out aloud from a book. When reading you
have to read what is written and this is where the stutter would
be at it's worse. Fluent people are unable to comprehend the
humiliation and embarrassment one feels when you stutter in
front of a number of people as in the above example at school.
Having a stutter made my school life quite traumatic.
One of the most difficult tasks is when asked to make a
presentation in front of people, whether at school, college or
work. It is not just the day that is hard, it is the days
leading up, where the worry and fear is difficult to control.
The stutter and the presentation would always be on my mind. I
had a client who stated on the first day that the reason he was
attending my speech course was because he wanted to be able to
give his daughter away at her wedding. I asked him when the
wedding was to be held expecting it to be in a few months time.
He replied that she was only fifteen! This is how a stutter is
able to get a grip on your life.
Socialising and building relationships with people from the
opposite sex also has its hazards. Ordering food and drink can
be difficult. On a personal front when trying to purchase for
example a bottle of beer, I would nearly always stutter. My
friends were good to me though and would usually order my drinks
for me. I could not expect my colleagues from work to do the
same and would try and avoid evenings out with them.
I always wanted to have a girlfriend, however this involves
meeting her parents and friends, lots of socialising, phone
calls including the initial phone call. Stuttering would be more
prevalent on the phone than in any other situation for myself.
This for me would take courage and it was not until I was
eighteen that I went on my first date. I took a young lady to a
public house and to say I was nervous was an understatement,
mainly it has to be said about stuttering in front of her. When
entering the pub I stated that I needed to go to the toilet and
asked if she would order the drinks including a diet coke for
myself. I did not need the toilet; I just did not want to order
the drinks. I later explained to her about the stutter I had and
she was surprisingly fine about it.
At the age of twenty-two I had been dating a young lady for a
couple of years and she started talking about marriage. Fear of
stuttering as usual held me back and I could not go through with
the wedding. I felt it was a certainty that I would stutter when
saying the vows and making the speech. A few months later she
left me. This was the final straw I was now desperate to
overcome the stutter.
Gaining employment and working your way up the career ladder can
prove difficult for somebody who has a stutter. Most people
stutter more when under pressure, therefore interviews can be
very stressful. On a personal level it took a number of months
to find my first position in employment. I always felt that
stuttering held me back and that my full potential in my career
and on a personal level could not be reached.