WEATHER OR NOT
WEATHER OR NOT By Karen A Lech
It has been said, "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the
world". Well, I have rocked many a cradle, and I don't rule the
world... yet. I would, however, like to rule the weather. Living
in Northern Illinois is a life-long lesson in appreciation. The
extremes of weather here make life challenging, exhilarating,
frustrating, humbling. We citizens of the Midwestern United
States 'oooh' and 'ahhh' over the change in seasons. The first
days of Spring-like weather (temperatures above 40 degrees)
finds us outside basking in the warm sunlight, which we feel has
been hidden from us far longer than those who live nearer the
Artic Circle. In fact, if you were to ask an Illinoisan about
winter here, and winter in Alaska, he would laugh. After all,
Alaskans are used to that six months on and off thing.
My idea for ruling the weather (at least the weather in
Illinois) is relatively simple. I have given this idea a lot of
thought, taking into consideration the likes/dislikes of the
population. You see, there are some delusionals here who LIKE
winter, with snow and temperatures cold enough to snap atoms. My
plan will accommodate them, as well as the sun lovers and
wannabe Hawaiians. This compromise, to me, is perfect. I did
have to remember the farmers who have designated harvest times
and planting times. I do realize that there are "atmospheres"
nostalgically implanted in our minds (and hearts) for seasonal
holidays. What fun would it be to have no leaves to jump in?
Then again, there would be no leaves to rake! Christmas..
without snow,
without red tipped noses from the cold, the "aura" of the silent
snowfalls..... would just not be right! We can do without snow
for Valentine's Day, and Easter too, for that matter! Don't many
of us ladies remember having the most gorgeous new Easter
outfits and sandals all set to wear to church on Easter Sunday
morning - only to chuck the whole idea and have to swaddle
ourselves into mukluks and snow shoes because of six to eight
inches of snow on the ground, when the day prior was a balmy 65
degrees.
My idea is this: From the evening of December 22nd through
January 1st, it may snow all it wants and be cold. Most kids are
off school for the Holidays, and they can play in it, build
snowmen, etc. Snowmobilers can revel at high speeds across
Illinois for this period of time. Frost can only happen on
October 30th and it has to be a "speed frost" (kind of like the
"speed dry nail polish" or "instant freeze" spray we use on our
hairdos!) The leaves may then fall all October 31st for
Halloween, thereby creating a spooky atmosphere and huge piles
of leaves to jump in, rake (if you like that sort of thing),
burn, etc. November 1st will definitely be the start of harvest
time and may continue through Thanksgiving. The ground can rest
for about a month because on January 2nd, the temperatures will
once again resume reaching to 70 degrees and above. This will
create conditions for an earlier planting season and farmers
will probably get two (or more!) crops a year. Farmers can
vacation during the "ground resting season". There will be none
of this getting dark at 4 in the afternoon either, once January
2nd hits. During the snow season, December 22 through January
1st, it is okay for the sunset to be at 5- 5:30. Starting
January 2nd, of course, the days will get "longer" again. I also
feel my idea will truly benefit the economy of Illinois. The
farms will produce more food because of the extended growing
season. Sunglasses sales will skyrocket. Golf courses could do a
LOT more business. Baseball season could last for 10 months!
Malls will do much more business as the population will not be
"snowed in". There will not be any snow days for the school
systems and children will benefit immensely, as well as their
mothers who worry sick about their kids on a school bus knowing
full well driving conditions are hazardous. (Why is it law we
must "buckle up" and school busses carrying the lives of future
America have no seat belts?) Businesses will no longer have
employees calling in for a day off because they are stuck in
their driveways (or in bed with a sore back from shoveling
snow). This idea is great! I am sure if it were put to vote, MY
weather system would win by a landslide (exception being should
this be presented to Floridians - who don't know how to vote or
Californians). Florida and Arizona will pay in gold bullion to
Illinois for keeping our senior citizens out of their states.
Illinois can also sell this system to adjacent Midwestern
states, possibly other countries! Parts of this system, for
short term effects, could be sold to Alaskans, Northern
Canadians, Siberia. I think many Minnesota residents would
appreciate this change in weather pattern. Illinois coffers will
overflow...which means Illinoisans can pay less taxes!!! I don't
rule the weather .... yet. I probably should not mess with the
system. But one thinks of these things while rocking cradles.
Thanks for reading! Karen A. Lech