No More Oreos? Tell Me it isn't True!
Another good citizen comes to the aid of the uniformed public.
After years of eating Oreos, and enjoying them tremendously,
somebody put on a pound or two. Who's to blame? You know
somebody is to blame. It couldn't be the fault of the user. Did
she exercise? Did she walk? Did she do her housework? No, she
sat in front of her T.V. and ate Oreos.
When she realized she had gotten a little pudgy around the
middle, she didn't like it. She complained to a lawyer friend.
The lawyer friend listened to her crying about being fat
and did his best to assure her she was still beautiful. To make
her feel better, he got them both glasses of milk and took a
fresh bag of Oreo's from her cabinet. Making themselves
comfortable at the kitchen table, they continued to dip the
cookies and argue whether she was fat or not. For hours.
Finally, to shut her up, he said he would find the cause. He
knew it wasn't her fault and he told her so.
And what did he discover while reading the ingredient list on
the side of the bag? It is the fault of Oreos! There is fat in
the white filling! Shazam! Who would've thunk it? I wonder which
college he went to? He was amazing! Now, another American icon
is about to be erased.
Dads will not be able to show their sons how to twist off the
top cookie carefully, so they can lick the filling off. Little
brothers will no longer be able to dip their Oreo into their big
brother's glass of milk, and enjoy a bit of brotherly
camaraderie before being pushed away roughly. What will mothers
put in the lunch boxes? Will we be able to carry this one more
straw of added stress in our daily lives?
In the years to come, someone will remember Oreos lovingly, and
the children will say, "What the heck is an Oreo?"
Or, "tell us about the old days, Daddy, when you use to eat
Oreos." Fathers will sigh sadly, and brush a tear away.
People are going to start hoarding them, just wait and see. The
neighbor across the street just put a padlock on his freezer in
his garage. I just know he has Oreos in there.
On Halloween, Oreo came out with orange filling. (I wonder if it
was to get rid of the white filling that had the fat in it? Hey,
it works for me) They also have double chocolate. A cookie with
chocolate filling. Oh, they probably have a lot of new ideas in
their secret files. Now, what will they do if they are shut down?
People will lose their jobs. Nabisco will go bankrupt. It's a
real shame, but will the good citizen, with the over zealous
lawyer, care? No. Her concern is over the rest of us getting
fat. She is looking out for us that are too ignorant to know
there is fat in the filling. Anyone out there who didn't already
know this? Anyone?
I like fat. It keeps my hair shiny and my skin soft. Doing
without a bit of fat turns you into a dried up prune with straw
for hair. I'd rather be round, myself.
Oreos are the cookies of distinction. You don't just buy
chocolate cookies. You must buy Oreos. When you bring the kids
in for milk and cookies, their ears hear "milk and Oreos!" Can
any other cookie put that ring of chocolate around a child's
mouth and make it look sweet? I don't think so.
If this can be done to the King of cookies, what's next? Ice
Cream? Reese's minis? The Golden Arches? It's time for people to
revolt. Stand up for your right to eat Oreos! In the meantime,
run and grab all you can before they're gone!
Update! May 17, 2003
The suit has been dropped! Wow! People can stand up and
be revolting - it works! Kids can now enjoy their Oreo's, and
mom and dad will not have to freeze them or hide them from the
I wonder what else is on the Endangered Food List?