Things you never want to hear your flight crew say after takeoff

Perhaps I should explain. This list came to me after spending one too many days dealing with airports and airplanes. Besides, I thought it would be a nice change from the usual serious travel tips and information I serve up on The Guerrilla Traveler --Don't worry; this baby can still fly just fine with only one engine. --$100 says this thing can too do a barrel roll. --Let's see if that loudmouth Delta pilot can play a little game of "chicken" --Captain, did you just say, "Thank you for flying Jihad Airlines" ? --No, I thought it was your turn to close the airtight door. --Idiot! Never, never, set your coffee cup on that "Fuel Dump" button. --Wow, what a coincidence, it's my first day on the job, too. --Captain, why don't you just put this thing on auto-pilot and come join our little party? --Does anyone know what that flashing red light thingy is? --What do you mean, you just got us a 50% discount at our last refueling stop? --Tower, did you just say, "eeney, meeney, miney, moe? --Here's your parachute, here's yours, and yours, and here's mine. COPYRIGHT (c) 2006, Charles Brown. All rights reserved