AT A LOSS FOR WORDS?
Copyright The Quipping Queen 2006.
AT A LOSS FOR WORDS
By The Duchess of Dither, (a.k.a. Dame Do-This-Do-That or DDT
for shot), is not your run-of-the-mill doddering, do-nothing,
dour dowager but rather a chronologically-gifted social
butterfly, a swish social etiquette consultant, not to mention a
noted antipasto, aperitif and artichoke recipe collector and
antediluvian author of a little-known romance novel entitled,
"Foxy Bell-Bottoms & The Pirates of Pugwash Junction".
Many of my bombastically bashful clients have asked me what they
should say or do when the 'cat's got their tongue'? You know
when the proverbial 'Mout-hab-nuttin-fe-do' (literally,
'mouth has nothing to do').
The answer to this consummate conundrum lies in reframing this
doggone dilemma. After all, everyone knows that felines rule the
jungle (except for that wussy one in the 'Wizard of Oz'). Thank
goodness my clients don't want to join that tacky trio of
woebegone winners bopping along down the Yellow Brick Road!
When one is firmly entrenched in an indubitably irrelevant place
at an inopportune moment in time and at loss for words, it's
best to console oneself with a few grapes of wrath and then
excuse oneself with much aplomb and gusto to the nearest place
of ease. Once ensconced in a powder room or gentlemen's
ablutionary, it's time to seek the advice of a Goddess or Guru
of Glitch. (Hopefully, the owner of the calamity has access to a
cellular phone equipped with all the latest features including
text messaging, email, camera, video, TV, radio, music-player,
and personal scheduling capabilities).
In the absence of a do-it-all device and a glad-handing guru or
a fact-finding fairy godmother, just consult a pocketbook
edition of "The Portable Poppycocker", (which
every adult is supposed to carry conveniently around in a
pocket, purse, or portmanteau at all times).
Now peruse the chapter on "Interesting Interjections". Then
randomly select one of the 175 or so itty-bitty, impressionable
yet easy-flowing ejaculatory exclamations that one can blurt out
in a bubbly impromptu manner. (Hint: Avoid those well-worn,
vexing vociferations like: Alas! Bingo! Dear Me! Heavens!
Ouch! Phooey! and Ugh! Instead, go for one of the
following hefty little humdingers:
-- Bada Bada Bing or Bada Bing Bada Boom, Begora,
Bellswagger, Bosh, Brava,
-- Climb-A-Pole, Coniwobble, Crickey, Cunningberry, Dizzy Flat,
-- Egads, Eureka, Faugh, Fiddlesticks, Fie, Fopdoodle, Gadzooks,
-- Hey Presto, Hoddy Peak, Hoots, Huzza, Lackaday,
--Nerts, Oolfoo, Oy Vay, Pardy, Pip-Pip, Pish, Poof, Purting
-- Rog, Swankpot, Tah-Tah, Touch