Political Humor: Are You A Dittohead?
Years ago, Rush Limbaugh coined the term "adult beverages" to
refer to alcoholic drinks. Yet millions of dittoheads across the
Fruited Plain lacked a guide for making the best adult
beverages. So I created The Dittohead's Guide to Adult
Beverages, a collection of humorous dittohead recipes such as
the Rio Linda Rouser, EIB Ecstasy Elixir, Club G'itmo Guzzler,
and many more!
Just try out these great recipes:
DEAD WHITE GUY GINGER ALE
Glass: A Clay Bowl Stolen from Native Americans (by dead white
1 Part Vodka (a colorless ingredient symbolizing white European
oppression) 3 Parts Ginger Ale (containing blood-thirsty,
intolerant, white supremacist sugar) A Splash of White Wine
(reminiscent of Napoleonic French imperialism) A Splash of
Lemon-Lime Juice (made from fruit hand-picked by indentured
servants) A Dash of Sugar (due to safety concerns, no brown
Instructions: While attending a college seminar on
multiculturalism, with an emphasis on Native American,
Afro-centric lesbian poetry, combine ingredients in a clay bowl
stolen from Native Americans. Consume on Columbus Day while
attacking white males who have the audacity to continue to
Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of Christopher
Columbus - a capitalist, European bigot responsible for the
death and murder of eighty trillion pacifist, nature-loving
Native Americans (and a man whose lone accomplishment was the
"discovery" of someone else's backyard).
Special Warning: Under no circumstances should you add brown
sugar to this adult beverage, as it is sure to be ravaged and
destroyed by the racist, imperialist, homophobic white sugar
already present in the ginger ale.
AFFIRMATIVE ACTION AMBROSIA
Glass: A Measuring Cup (to ensure precise fulfillment of quotas)
0 Parts Light Rum (using light rum is insensitive to minority
rums) 3 Parts Dark Rum (to rectify the past injustice of rampant
light rum preferences) 3 Parts Soda (cola is preferred over a
lighter soda, such as Sprite) Quotas That Aren't "Quotas"
(except that they really are quotas)
Instructions: While throwing an "affirmative action bake sale"
on a local college campus, or campi (the preferred EIB plural
form for those of you in Rio Linda), combine ingredients in a
measuring cup. Consume while labeling as "racist" any of your
friends or companions who dare to add light rum to their
favorite adult beverages.
Origin: This adult beverage is named in honor of
government-sanctioned discrimination. Make sure that you don't
add light rum to this adult beverage when dark rum is available
instead. Failure to do so may result in court-ordered
Special Note: A firm supporter of government-sanctioned
discrimination, the NAALCP (National Association for the
Advancement of Liberal Colored People) dreams of the day when
prohibition will be re-instituted in America - with only "light"
rum banished from the shores of the United States.
P.S. Forward this page to 15,067 Rush Limbaugh fans in the next
7 minutes or you will be stricken with eight agonizing years of
a Hillary Clinton presidency and/or the appointment of Ted "The
Swimmer" Kennedy as your designated driver!