Lizard Induced Schoolgirl Screams
Let me just make one thing clear before I proceed. I am
generally an animal loving person. If a dog comes to my house
and goes number one on the fence, fine no problem. Squirrels
gather near the gate and perform acts sexual in nature, no big
deal. But if there is one thing you do not do...It's lunging in
the general direction of my head from above with the intention
This is exactly what a lizard attempted yesterday night. Luckily
I managed to dive, in slow-mo of course, out of its path just in
time. The beast was not able to get a choking grip on my
delicate neck and instead just bumped against my shoulder and
dropped down on the floor.
After my display of fast reflexes in the form of a cool matrix
style dodge I thought it was all over, that I was safe. I
thought the lizard would be too impressed, intimidated with my
elite skills and would start to fear me. Boy was I wrong. This
monster was no ordinary lizard. It was completely out of its
mind. A true fighter!
After a rough landing on my kitchen floor the lizard ran towards
me rather than away from me! Maybe this was an egotistical
lizard and was not prepared to lose its pride. It ran with such
a menacing look in its beady eyes and at such a pace it made me
think for a millisecond that I may be dealing with something
that is much stronger than me. The feeling of helplessness and
panic ran through me. I started scanning the place looking for a
weapon, A chair...a spoon, anything! But all I found around me
was the hot and humid summer air. At this point I knew deep down
all was lost. I did what all sane men do when they are up
against a ruthless killer. A killer that does now know the
meaning of the words "mercy", "compassion" and "love", I ran. I
jumped up over the beast and sprinted towards the exit.
I did not dare look over my shoulders as I knew what was
following me, death! I ran at full pace towards my bedroom door.
Panting, shaking and screaming whilst I forced my legs to keep
moving. Oh why did I not take up my dads advice and join a gym.
When you are in such a situation as I was, when you are the one
being chased by a predator as cheesy as this sounds...time does
seem to slow down, your senses become sharper. Now I truly know
what "eternity" means because that is exactly how long I seemed
to have spent before I saw the warm light of my room, the rays
danced on my tired and broken body bringing with it hope, hope
of survival. I dived towards the light, pushing the bedroom door
behind me with full force. *BANG*
Ahh that sweet sound when wood crashes into wood. I knew I was
out of harms way at last. I did next what all men do when they
know they've narrowly escaped certain death. I fell down on my
knees and thanked god and then I changed my underwear.