A New Internet Marketing Strategy - Beam Me Up Ads
Before long, a new technology will render search engines, ppc
engines and email marketing obsolete. It will completely change
the way we view webpages and retreive information from the web.
Transportational marketing (or better known as 'Beam Me Up Ads')
are sweeping the internet as marketers and site owners scramble
to get their hands on it.
"Imagine a world where you can literally inject your message
into the brains of web surfers", said the founder, John
Martinna, "... this is the solution we've been waiting for. It's
like RSS on steroids!"
Google reportedly offered a hefty sum to acquire the new
technology, however John knew that this was something he just
couldn't let slip through his fingers.
"I'd be a complete fool!", he said, "It would be as crazy as
finding Tom Cruise in a psychiatric ward dispensing
medications...... it just ain't gonna happen."
When asked how it works, John said "It's simple. You supply your
subscribers and web visitors with a small chip which easily
implants into their brain, through their ear using a special
injector. They then sit back and whenever you have a message to
beam to them, it instantly reaches their brain. From there, the
special chip evaluates their response, and if positive, will
connect them directly to the webpage you want them to go."
"Sounds intrusive", I said, "What about when they aren't online?"
"Not a problem. The chip is specially designed to know when the
user is online and will only deliver messages when turned on.
You see.... by simply logging into their online account, they
can choose to disable messages at any time and even have options
for limiting the amount they receive."
"That's quite impressive.", I said, "So I understand this was
inspired by Star Trek?"
John continued, "You bet, I've been a big fan ever since I was a
kid. The 'Beam Me Up Ads' technology was inspired by the episode
which featured those two guys with the big throbbing heads, The
Talosians, you know.... the telepathy guys that kidnapped
Captain Pike and tried to get him to breed with a real hot
I then asked John about side effects.
"In our initial testing, we only had one person become violent
when an ad for penis enlargement got mixed up with a spyware ad.
He began to believe that people were spying on his penis. But
that was while we were still in beta mode..... we've worked out
The new transportational marketing system is expected to be made
available next year in the fall. But don't expect it to come
cheap. It's expected to hit the market with a pricetag of $1500
"I think Scotty would be proud", said John in closing thoughts,
"Just like the Enterprise, this technology will be going where
no man has gone before......"