A New Internet Marketing Strategy - Beam Me Up Ads

Before long, a new technology will render search engines, ppc engines and email marketing obsolete. It will completely change the way we view webpages and retreive information from the web. Transportational marketing (or better known as 'Beam Me Up Ads') are sweeping the internet as marketers and site owners scramble to get their hands on it. "Imagine a world where you can literally inject your message into the brains of web surfers", said the founder, John Martinna, "... this is the solution we've been waiting for. It's like RSS on steroids!" Google reportedly offered a hefty sum to acquire the new technology, however John knew that this was something he just couldn't let slip through his fingers. "I'd be a complete fool!", he said, "It would be as crazy as finding Tom Cruise in a psychiatric ward dispensing medications...... it just ain't gonna happen." When asked how it works, John said "It's simple. You supply your subscribers and web visitors with a small chip which easily implants into their brain, through their ear using a special injector. They then sit back and whenever you have a message to beam to them, it instantly reaches their brain. From there, the special chip evaluates their response, and if positive, will connect them directly to the webpage you want them to go." "Sounds intrusive", I said, "What about when they aren't online?" "Not a problem. The chip is specially designed to know when the user is online and will only deliver messages when turned on. You see.... by simply logging into their online account, they can choose to disable messages at any time and even have options for limiting the amount they receive." "That's quite impressive.", I said, "So I understand this was inspired by Star Trek?" John continued, "You bet, I've been a big fan ever since I was a kid. The 'Beam Me Up Ads' technology was inspired by the episode which featured those two guys with the big throbbing heads, The Talosians, you know.... the telepathy guys that kidnapped Captain Pike and tried to get him to breed with a real hot chick." I then asked John about side effects. "In our initial testing, we only had one person become violent when an ad for penis enlargement got mixed up with a spyware ad. He began to believe that people were spying on his penis. But that was while we were still in beta mode..... we've worked out those bugs." The new transportational marketing system is expected to be made available next year in the fall. But don't expect it to come cheap. It's expected to hit the market with a pricetag of $1500 per chip. "I think Scotty would be proud", said John in closing thoughts, "Just like the Enterprise, this technology will be going where no man has gone before......"