It finally happened

As we get older some of us tend to lose our inhibitions and begin to speak out more. Some would say grumpy old men and others might be more charitable and say that we speak our mind but for me, today, it finally happened. At last I got chance to do something I have always wanted to. The day started off pretty much the same as any normal Saturday really. A trip to the local Sainsburys supermarket to get provisions which inevitably means that I almost always follow the trolley around the aisles in a dream-like state looking for all the things that I buy each and every week in an act of repetition that should be challenged with something like a trip to Tesco or Asda where the shock of change would force me to get out of that mode of complacency and habit and actually allow me to shop for food that I want to eat rather than what I force myself to eat. This is not really what I wanted to tell you. Today was in every way mundane, except for one thing. Today I became an enforcer of the law. One minute I was citizen Joe, the next I am pulling over a vehicle and forcing the police to comply with my instructions. I was on my way home when it happened. I was following a police car and about 3 miles from my destination when I noticed that the car in front, a police patrol car, was slowing down for the lights and yet no tail lights were showing as the vehicle decreased in speed. As we waited for the lights to change to green I watched the vehicle in front as it moved off, increasing in speed before deceleration and the next traffic lights. This vehicles rear stop lights were not working. Of that there was no doubt. As traffic moved away from the lights into the dual carriageway I began to muse at previous occassions when the police had stopped me in my youth, either on my motorcycle or as a young car driver. They might pull me up on the pretext of a stop light malfunction or anything that might allow them to pull me over and check my ID or license. Following the police vehicle for about two miles I suddenly had this wicked idea. Could I pull it off? What would happen if it went wrong? What should I do? I could run this through my head many times or I could act now and do something I had always wanted to do. This was my chance. Yes, I should seize the opportunity. Still hesitant I watched the car in front slow down at the next set of lights. No tail lights again. This car was illegal. The lights changed to green. We moved away once again and the traffic was light. I pulled over into the far lane and began to overtake the police car. As I drew alongside I beeped the horn and just like you see on the movies, with a stern face, I motioned the driver to pull over. The driver was clearly perplexed. He stared back at me with a blank expressionless face which changed into a look of disbelief when I ordered him once again to pull over. This time he complied. I pulled up behind the police car and lacking blue flashing lights I was hesitant, but finally convinced myself that I should play this role to the letter. I put on my four way emergency flashers. This was it. There was no going back now. I stepped out of the car and walked slowly and deliberately towards the drivers side of the vehicle in front. The driver had not even opened the window. I noticed that there were two of them in the vehicle. I tapped on the glass. 'Wind down the window please Sir' I said loudly and with all the authority of their superior officers. Sheepishly the window was lowered half way. 'Whats your problem?' the occupant said sharply. 'I have no problem' I replied curtly. 'It is you that has the problem. Your rear stop lights are malfunctional and contrary to the road traffic act of 1958 your vehicle is unfit for the public highway'. This wasn't going too well. The driver looked annoyed and shocked. Muttering something about 1956 instead of 1958, I could barely hear him, he then opened the door and got out of the car, walking around to the rear of the vehicle and examining the light units. With his colleage pressing the foot pedal the policeman shouted to his colleague in confirmation 'Hes right. They don't work'. At this point I knew I had them on the run. Their attitude had changed from being slightly hostile to one of bemusement. I turned to the driver. As cool as a cucumber I said. ' Sir, I have a dilemna. You are driving an illegal vehicel and as such I should insist that you write out a ticket requiring the owners of the vehicle to produce their MOT, Tax and insurance details to the nearest police station. Furthermore, you will need to caution yourselves and make it clear that the necessary action may be taken with regard to driving an unsafe vehicle on the public highway. For almost two whole minutes the silence was intense. Unfortunately it was I that broke the stand off. I just couldn't go through with it anymore. I looked them dead in the eye and asked them straight - 'If you had stopped me for faulty lights what would you have done?' They stumbled, mumbled something about a caution and then went as quiet as schoolboys. This was power. This is what they mean about empowerment. This was my moment of glory. This was payback time!. I had achieved what I set out to achieve. I managed a wry grin which broke into a full smile to the relief of the policemen. They even thanked me for pointing the fault and assured me that they would get the car back to the station immediately for repair. We shook hands and parted company. Elated and charged with adrenalin and personal pride I suddenly realised I still had to get the potatoes, pick up a TV magazine and go to B & Q. Oh well, that livened up the day a little. http://www.birminghamuk.com