Just Dialogue 2
Just Dialogue 2
By Punkerslut
It's all jus' dialogue!
The Darwin E-mail Incident
I was talking online, bashing Creationists, Catholics, and
anyone else who was easily offended by the anatomically correct
word for fucking, and a mysterious dilemma unfolded. The first
five or so lines actually occured, and inspired me to write this
article. Lez watch!
Conversation With Creationist...
Creationist: Your Evolutionist lies are false! False false false
false!
Punkerslut: You see, though, there are Reversionary and
Vestigial organs which show that we have ancestors that were
from a lower species.
Creationist: What do you mean? Just forget it... Give me
Darwin's e-mail address so I can tell him he's wrong.
Punkerslut: Uuummmmm.....
Creationist: Come on! Don't be a coward! If your ideas can stand
up to criticism, tell me Darwin's e-mail address!
Punkerslut: Uuuummmmm....
Creationist: I knew it! You're afraid I'll prove Darwin wrong!
Admit it!
Punkerslut: Actually.... Darwin's e-mail address is... [glances
around quickly] punkersluta@excite.com.... Yeah, that's it.
[Note: That's my e-mail address, folks.]
Creationist: Good! I'll be taking care of him shortly!
Punkerslut: You know he's German, too, right?
Creationist: Of course I knew that!
Letter From Creationist To "Darwin"...
Gutentag, Heir Darwin,
It has come to my attention that you think a monkey gave birth
to a human. Stop telling lies, because they're teaching it in
the schools. If you have any evidence please bring it up.
Yours in Christ,
Letter From "Darwin" to Creationist"...
Zeig heil!
I, Darwin, would like to start this letter off with some
interesting observations I've noticed...
(1) You are...
(2) Dumb.
(3) Repeat 1 and 2 as necessary.
(4) Not tested on animals.
Furthermore... I am gay, and I have sexual fetishes about
Sigmund Freud, but he doesn't know this yet. I'm thinking about
asking one of the people he sits with at lunch to tell him, but
I dunno.
Sincerely, Darwin
Letter From Creationist To "Darwin"...
Since you are a living abomination (you like men the way men
should like women), I will not consort with you. Begone, foul
minion!
You're in my prayers, Darwin...
Yours in Christ,
Conversation With Creationist...
Creationist: Darwin's gay!
Punkerslut: Huh? Oh, well, yeah, I guess he is.
Creationist: What's Sigmund Freud's e-mail?
Punkerslut: Uuhhh, heheh...
Creationist: Tell me!
Punkerslut: It's, uhhhh, punkersluta@excite.com...
Creationist: Hey, that's the same as Darwin's!
Punkerslut: Hhhmmm, you're right, it is. Just make sure you
address who you're talking to. They like, all live in the same
dorm and use the same computer.
Creationist: Oh, okay.
Punkerslut: Don't forget that he's Vietnamese!
Letter From Creationist To "Freud"...
Hoa Bin Freud,
Tika tika tong, evolution wrong, Foo foo fay, darwin gay, Taa
taa too, he dreams of you,
Muka muka mighst, yours in Christ,
Letter From "Freud" to Creationist....
Aca picka ticka bata picka alca picka too picka alta ticka pik
tana sicka Darwina...
Conversation With Creationist...
Creationist: Hey, what gives with Freud? He doesn't make any
sense!
Punkerslut: Yeah, I forget. He's Vietnamese, but he speaks
Hindustani.
Creationist: Aaawwww, and I went through all that trouble
translating.
Punkerslut: I'm sure you did.
Creationist: What do you mean by that?
Punkerslut: Uhhh, nothing.
Letter from "Darwin" to Creationist...
Zeig heil!
I am sorry if I offended you my stating I was gay. But please,
send me your picture. I've been getting... restless.
Yours in Gay-Ness, Darwin,
Letter from Creationist to "Darwin"...
I refuse to further continue talking to you, and now I will
forward these e-mails to my system administrator with a note
that you've been harassing me. You are the weakest link, Darwin!
Good bye!
Letter from Creationist to System Administrator...
Hello,
There's a gay, German scientist named Darwin who invented
Evolution, and his sexual advances towards me lately have been
unbearable. Please, disable his account.
Letters to a Creationist
Actual letters by Punkerslut to Creationist... written while on
drugs or alcohol.
... first letter written under leftover Dex.
Date: Thursday, May 8, 2003 To: paul@zzz.com Subject: An Inquiry
on Darwin's Works
Greetings, and well met,
I had the fortunate opportunity to come across your website on
Creationism when searching the web for information on this
belief.
I read the "Creationism FAQ," but I thought it was thick with
propaganda. For example, look at every question you answer -- or
every question which you put in the mouth of the Evolution
scientist. It's not reasoned, nor is it logical, nor is it even
respectful. Instead, you sort of create the debate for both
sides, without actually quoting any scientists -- despite how
you say you "present both sides of the media, unlike liberal
media and Hollywood." The Evolution scientist appears to be
vulgar and insulting, whereas you try to make your arguments
well reasoned.
I also skimmed the "A Defense of Creationism," and I tried to
skip all the boring, circumstantial evidence and get to the part
where you actually answer the primary evidences of Evolution,
but.... I reached the Conclusion of the paper before actually
getting to that part.
This leads me to a new, higher belief, one more valid than
either Evolution or Creationism...
Creationists are illiterate. It's as simple as that. I know that
if I had doubts about a belief, I would read the primary book
supporting that belief. I read the Bible, and I don't believe
it, and I have shown in some of my writings reasons why. I also
read "Origin of the Species" by Charles Darwin. The fact that
you can't draw out examples why he was wrong, or why you don't
even attack his base arguments, is quite clear of one fact: you
must be illiterate. Because, if someone opposed Evolution
without reading the words of scientists, and they opposed it so
vehemently that they vocalized their opinion as much as
possible, it would be quite clear that they were stupid beyond
belief. But I would not like to assume this about you at all, so
I will just settle with illiterate.
Thank you, again, for your website.
www.punkerslut.com
For 108, Punkerslut
*************************
Date: Sat, 10 May 2003 10:44:20 -0700 From: paul@zzz.com To:
punkersluta@excite.com Subject: Re: An Inquiry on Darwin's Works
Hey Ben,
Thanks for your note. Wow - you've got some thick glasses on.
But best wishes for the future.
Paul
*************************
Date: Saturday, May 10, 2003 To: paul@zzz.com Subject: Re: An
Inquiry on Darwin's Works
I have some thick glasses on? I sure hope that's not some
retarded reference to the theology of Van Til. I know I can't
read much of his work without thinking that humans just might
not be the most intelligent creature on the world. I mean,
truly, there are some Christian works out there which simply are
marvelous, though all of them today are still considered
heretical. Tolstoi, for example, was a great mind, and he called
himself a Christian, but he was excommunicated for believing
that there was no afterlife.
Anyway, feel free to tell me where Darwin went wrong in "Descent
of Man" or "Origin of the Species," and if you don't make any
more Van Til-related remarks, I may respond.
www.punkerslut.com
For Life, Punkerslut
*************************
Date: Tue, 13 May 2003 10:23:55 -0700 From: To:
Subject: Re: An Inquiry on Darwin's
Works
Hi,
Yeah, thick glasses ... and an attitude. Why the emotions? Are
you considering our origins scientifically or (actually)
emotionally and with prejudice.
...high schoolers... (sigh) ...
*************************
[written under high infulence of aclohlo.]
Date: Tuesday, May 13, 2003 To: paul@zzz.com Subject: Re: An
Inquiry on Darwin's Works
Ha, amusing...
"High schoolers..." That's incredibly amusing. Instead of
actually making any statement of relevance to the current
debate, you devert to some inept, two year old remark. "High
schoolers..." It doesn't even fit me, because I'm a high school
drop out. But that doesn't change anything. You haven't brought
any of Darwin's points to light. You haven't criticized even a
single one of them. And since you didn't really consider any of
my e-mails, I'm still highly convinced that you're simply
illiterate.
www.punkerslut.com
For Life, Punkerslut
Punkerslut's Opinion On Hazing
Punkerslut: Hey, I got suspended from campus.
Friend: What the hell for?
Punkerslut: Fighting. I beat the crap out of some guy who was
about to haze someone else.
Friend: Good job, man.
A week later...
Punkerslut: Hey, they found out that I was doing something good
and they welcomed me back to campus.
Friend: Right on.
Punkerslut: But then I asked, "If I killed him, would I get
straight As for this quarter?" And then they threw me off campus
again.
Friend: Sucks.
Punkerslut's Promiscuity
Punkerslut: Hey, I'm gonna get something to drink. You want some
soda?
Female: Yeah, sure.
Punkerslut: When I come back, you want to make out?
Female: Uhhhmmm, I'm not that kind of girl.
Punkerslut: Well, what kind of girl are you?
Female: The kind that doesn't make out with guys she barely
knows.
Punkerslut: You could have just said no and I would have picked
that up.
Biodome
[Added on Wednesday, June 4, 2003, at 4:31 in the morning.]
Punkerslut: In computer class, we watched two movies. First,
"Biodome." And then, "Tron." All the preps and jocks were bored
during "Tron" and loved "Biodome;" but the outcasts, the geeks,
the nerds, the social rejects, the political dissidents, the
artsy kids, and even the bling bling rappers and gangstas hated
"Biodome" and loved "Tron." "'ey, G... Tron is da' bom', yo'."
Okay, so nobody really said exactly that, but it was like that.
Friend: What the hell is "Biodome" about?
Punkerslut: Oh, well, Pauly Shore is in it.
Friend: That right there is a review, synopsis, summary, and
conclusion to the film.
Punkerslut: Tru dat, brotha'.
www.punkerslut.com
For Life, Punkerslut