Partners as Mindreaders
SPOUSE AS MINDREADER
Well, I'm here to tell you that's not gonna happen. Though it's
amazing how many people expect mindreading in a relationship.
Particularly women. See, we women think we can read our
partner's minds, and can't understand why its not reciprocated.
The good news is, obviously, that no one can read anyone's mind.
That's not communicating, that's very very very wishful, and
often destructive, thinking. Actually, you might want to really
reconsider this wish. Imagine if he or she could read everything
in your mind?
Example of woman thinking she's mindreading: Husband is
watching tv, gorgeous, sexy female appears in an ad. Wife
mistakenly mindreads: "You're thinking about how much prettier
she is than me, aren't you? You're thinking you'd really like to
have sex with her, admit it! If you COULD have one time out on
our commitment, you'd be with her, wouldn't you?" Now, the poor
guy is really wondering if tonight is a green light with his
wife(he obviously has no shot with the actress on tv) but now he
doesn't go for it because he might get in more trouble. She gets
pissed at him for "lying" to her, and now he doesn't dare come
on to her because he's pissed her off (no clue why) when really
she wants him to mindread that she wants him to come on to
her..... but has chosen a less than effective way of
communicating this to him...
Better would be: Honey, I feel so insecure when I see those
gorgeous models on tv. Do you still want me like you used to? I
guarantee you'll both get what you want with this straitforward
Example of male mindreading: The man gets into bed and, figuring
the bed is a mating mat even though he's been advised hundreds
of time to the contrary, mindreads that she really wants him
tonight and is just too shy to come right out and say it (see
above). He jumps her bones and either gets shoved off or she
plays dead through the whole thing (admit it, women: for spite).
Better: subtle communication works best here. Offer a back
rub, or a foot rub, and very slowly work your way to the desired
destination. Give her some time to enjoy the relaxation and get
in the mood. Minimal communication would be: does that feel
good? Telling her why you love her or her specific physical
attributes communicates that you still think she's hot. Don't
expect her to mindread how sexy you think she is. We never get
tired of hearing it.