In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It
Often a store has a sign with the warning, "You break it, you
bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling the
I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all through
my house. "If it's broken, I bought it." This is not to say
everything in my house is broken, but to point out that
everything has a breaking point. And, it's not to say I can't
fix anything. I just can't fix anything that is broken.
A case in point; my easy chair.
A man's easy chair, especially mine, is control central of his
world. My easy chair is so situated that I can easily access my
entire world. Whoever invented the easy chair must have been a
genius, at least in my book.
To the left of my easy chair is a small stand with a light. On
this stand rest various works in progress. I will admit some are
in slow progress, but that's the way I like it. I can reach into
this pile, pull out some work and spend a little time on it.
Also on this stand is a well-stocked container of pens and
Someone in our house, and I will not mention any names, has
suggested getting rid of this pile. There are times, and this is
one of them, I do not pay attention to certain suggestions.
To the right of my easy chair are various items. I have the
telephone, the remote control and a variety of reference books,
all within easy reach.
At the foot of my easy chair leans a small notebook computer.
As you can see, my easy chair pulls my world together in a
harmony of delightful reach-ability.
Recently, a situation developed with my easy chair. Last week as
I sat in it, working on my computer, catching up with some work
projects, I heard a funny sound.
I could not place the sound, so I ignored it. It's the manly
thing to do. Whenever something happens I don't understand, I
resort to the old ignoring routine. Sometimes it's the only
thing that really works. Then I heard the sound again.
This time the sound was much louder but before I could really do
anything about it, I heard the sound for the third time.
Suddenly, my easy chair quivered. Then everything collapsed, and
as I went free- falling, my whole life passed before my eyes.
Fortunately, as it turned out, it was not my life but everything
on my stand flipped in the air and came showering down on top of
me. Papers, books, the remote control and millions of pens and
pencils smothered me in a heap of confusion.
For a brief moment, I did not know what happened, or where I was.
The only redeeming aspect of this incident was the simple fact
that the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was not home at the
time. I say "simple fact," but the truth of the matter is it is
much more complicated.
My first job was to extricate myself from the mess. Secondly, I
had to pick up everything before my wife got home.
As it turned out, that was the easier part of my job. The most
difficult, and I admit it, was trying to fix my easy chair. It
turned out to be broken in places that completely and absolutely
Several months before this my wife insisted I throw out this
antiquated easy chair and get a new one. Looking back now I see
it was a foolish thing to do n but then I laughed at her and
told her in no uncertain terms that this easy chair was in
perfect condition. She just looked at me, shook her head and
With panic as incentive, I gathered up the pieces of what used
to be my easy chair and tried to figure how to put it all back
together. I went to the garage, got some tools, a roll of wire
and several rolls of duct tape. Working at the speed of a
husband in trouble I managed to put the chair back in what I
thought was good shape.
Sighing a sigh of relief, I carefully tested out the chair. Much
to my pleasure and delight, it cradled me as afore. Leaning back
in my chair, I could not believe I had pulled one over on my
Better Half. Nothing matches an easy chair properly broken in.
Later that evening my wife and I were sitting together watching
television. Out of the blue, she brought up the subject of my
chair. "Don't you think," she reflected in one of those wifely
moods, "you should replace that old chair of yours?"
"Ha!" I said with the confidence of a fox who got away with a
plump chicken. "This chair has a few more good years left in it."
Just then I heard a familiar sound.
Everything collapsed, and as I went free falling my whole life
passed before my eyes. Looking up into the smiling eyes of my
wife, she simply said, "My, how time flies."
The whole incident reminded me of a verse in the Bible.
"Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he
fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common
to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be
tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation
also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it." (1
Corinthians 10:12-13 KJV.)