POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA
Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2004.
POLITICALLY CORRECT SANTA -- OR, HOW SNOW WHITE & FRIENDS
SENT SANTA PACKING!
It seems that we can longer languish in the reveries of
"Christmas" is now "persona non grata" unless it comes with
lotsa ka-ching and consumer clatta!
"Christmas" has been replaced by non-threatening "happy holiday"
greetings, profitable "holiday" gift cards, and a new medical
disease called the "ho ho ho" syndrome (I'll let you figure that
Gone are the days when we can enjoy such pleasures as
"Christmas" carols, "Christmas" crackers or heaven forbid even
"Christmas" trees, without a knock at the door from a
politically-correct enforcement officer dressed in an bright
blue suit with gold braid and a matching hat plus a perplexing
smiley frown on his face.
Although I cannot take credit for the witty work below, I
thought I would pass it along to all those who still believe in
a reindeer named Rudolph, jolly St. Nick (aka Santa Claus/Kris
Kringle), jingling bells full of comfort and joy, not to mention
a mouth-watering slice of home-made hot minced pie.
-- POLITICALLY INCORRECT SANTA --
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... How to
live in a world that's politically correct? His workers no
longer would answer to "Elves," "Vertically Challenged" they
were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had
vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the
Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and
Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know
that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his
sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people
had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on
their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers
quite frightened. His fur-trimmed red suit was called
"Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs
and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose .
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding
millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were
gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding
from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion That making a
choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather,
nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for
her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim.
Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that
claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's war-like or
non-pacific. No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while
not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological Who claimed
the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no
football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports
exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should