The Start of Civilisation via the Back Passage!

Following is an excerpt from The Trivial Times . Some consideration must be made for the many memory inconsistencies of Thick Mick. He does his best! ----------------------------------------------------------------- --------------- Mick here, It's hard to believe, I know, but Civilisation was man-made, and my great grand uncle won a Nobel Piece Prize for his part. Wind back your time-piece to the year 6000 B.C., and be careful not to break the spring as I did. It was winter, as usual, and though our daily lives appeared to be the will of external forces, some special people had the foresight to make decisions that would affect todays' population. Though I get over-paid for my column, please be patient as I take you through it. There was a particular Pagan ritual that provided us with fun, on the face of it, but was actually a brainstorm that ensured the current judical system of today. It was known as THE GAME. This wasn't a nocturnal activity, or a matching of skills for that matter. We had no skills! It was latin for "MAGE" or "Mag", and was a much finer publication than the trivial times, even with the chisel marks. The Mag was the prize for a one thousand feet free-fall dive into a pool. We had no spring boards either, or indeed, restrictive swim suits. The pool was not like the modern olympic standard pools of today, which drain chlorine-laden storm water to the innards of the earth. The pool was a simple lava pool! All the local "bullies" were encouraged to participate, and always agreed to agressiveness, with unknown results. This was BRILLIANCE" and "VIRAL", and "LOW BUDGET" entertainment. The prize still hasn't been won. One after one, they lined up to win the prize. One after one, they failed. The trick was to hold your breath, I think, and no-one copped onto it. As a boy of eighteen, I could never figure out why such men of Herculean physiques failed to win the "Game". It took me many years of research to dicover that the solution was in the stone, and indeed, only understood it properly, a few minutes ago. Legend had it that instructions were actually carved into the tablet of granite, but they were written in "Javascript", a language with origins from the island "Java" (this island is still in existence, before I broke my spring, anyway). Wasn't I a lucky boy that my true nature wasn't discovered as quickly and easily as I discoved the solution, for I would surely have drowned! "Swimming and stones are not exclusive", I remember some old lad saying at a time more trivial than now. Mick Savage. Indepth columnist with THE TRIVIAL TIMES.