When Nothing Seems to be Going Right
It's more then just a bad hair day. Truth is, you don't even
care how your hair looks because everything that can go wrong is
going wrong. It's not like you created the problems yourself and
are having to fix your own mess. That's easy enough to deal
with. No, this is about those days when nobody takes you
seriously, every light turns red when you're on a tight schedule
as it is, and your spouse is in one of their darker moods. You
drop your lunch in your lap and there's no way you can sneak
back home to freshen up, the tax man just chose you for his next
audit, and your sister calls to say she has a lump in her breast
and is terrified to go in for a check up. Your boss tells you
that you are doing an awesome job and deserve the pay raise
you've asked for, but the company can't afford to give it to
you.... and you love your job too much to quit. You can't seem
to get through the red tape of a bureaucracy that holds some
sort of power over your ability to succeed at your dreams. The
computer system goes down at work and you can't finalize a very
lucrative time sensitive deal that you were trying to close. No
matter what you do, everything around you just seems to be going
wrong and you are continually finding doors slammed in your
face, brick walls in your path, and glass ceilings above you.
How do you cope? How do you get out of the crazy maze that has
you feeling trapped, alone, and helpless?
Yes, it's true that we often subconsciously create our own
problems, but there is also another fact of life and that is...
sometimes bad things happen to good people for no apparent
reason. Unfortunately, sometimes a whole bunch of bad things
happen all at once. The result can be very overwhelming. It's
natural to want to give up and quit. Quit your job, quit your
marriage, and quit your battle with the bureaucracy that's
holding you back. It's also natural to want to punch something
or someone and to simply force your way through the problems.
Start bullying everyone while demanding that 'heads are gonna
roll!' to anyone within earshot. Neither extreme really works in
the long run.
The most important thing to do is to take a moment and catch
your breath. So often people will keep on keeping on without
really focusing on the big picture. They can't see the forest
for the trees and are just thrashing around trying to stomp out
one fire after another without really analyzing the entire
situation from an outside perspective. Take a step back and
simply look at the whole thing as one great big problem with
lots of little pieces. Remind yourself that if these problems
were all spaced out so they happened one at a time, that you
would be able to maneuver through each one without falling apart
emotionally. It's the sheer number of events that come at you
all at once that is the real problem.
Take a moment to organize your thoughts and to come up with a
loose plan of action. By reminding yourself that you are
technically capable of handling each one of these problems if it
stood alone, you can begin to tap into your self-confidence
which may be buried somewhere under all of the stress you're
feeling in the moment. Square your shoulders and take a deep
breath to gear up, telling yourself that you are capable of
fixing all of these problems even if you hate having to do so.
Don't waste your time on self-pity asking the 'why me'
question... the answer will always be 'why not you? what makes
you so special that you aren't allowed to have really bad days?'
so just let go of that whole concept. It's your turn to have a
bad day, so let's just pull it together and start moving into a
more comfortable, more positive direction.
Now, prioritize your problems, issues, and roadblocks. Only you
can juggle in your mind which tasks need to be attended to first
and which ones can wait. I might tell you to ignore your lunch
stained outfit without knowing that later today you are going to
make a multimillion-dollar presentation to a very important
client who has flown half way around the world to hear your
speech. I might tell you to drop everything and help your sister
because family is so very very important in the long run, not
knowing that your sister is a hypochondriac who is constantly
crying wolf and really just wants your attention. Look at time
sensitive issues, which issues create the most long-term
effects, which ones can you delegate to someone else, and which
ones will work themselves out given enough time. Don't spend all
day analyzing what needs done and what really doesn't need done.
Just make a quick reality check while you're squaring your
shoulders and mentally run through the list of problems.
Then take out a sheet of paper and write down a loose game plan
as to how you want to go about fixing, changing, and dealing
with all of the various elements that will need to be handled.
Write it down even if you normally don't use to-do lists because
you have so many things to monitor and keep an eye on. Later
when life is more stable and normal again, you can go back to
keeping everything in your head. The reason you have to stay
loose with your planning is that you will need to remain
flexible and open to whatever domino effects, wild cards, and
surprises might fall into place as the various dynamics unfold.
This is not the time to be rigid, demanding that everything and
everyone go along with your master plan. All that will do is
alienate you from those who could maybe offer some assistance.
Finally, look over your plan, see that solving all of these
problems and surviving this bad day is quite do-able. Realize
that you have all of the skills you need and that it's simply a
matter of time management, focus, and raw grit. Roll up your
sleeves and get to work. Don't waste valuable problem solving
energy on worrying and fretting over the things that are not at
the top of the list. Monitor their status if you must, but keep
moving through each item on your list until you start crossing
them off. As more and more items are resolved, you should feel
your self-esteem increase and your spirits will lift. What
started out as a bad day, could very well turn out to be an
incredible day of accomplishments and brainstorming. You could
find yourself bragging by the end of the day about all the
trials and tribulations you managed to weave through. You didn't
simply survive the day, you conquered it. There is nothing more
powerful then a strong sense of self that comes from solving
real life problems with a bit of moxy and tenacity.
Copyright 2005, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge