Self-Definition: The Only Makeover You'll Ever Need
Maybe it's just me, but the increasing number of reality
television shows based on transforming their female participants
through plastic surgery has got me concerned. As these hopeful
young women stuff, slice, and dye their God-given bodies into a
shell of its original packaging, one has to wonder about the
"self" that is left behind. Has it been healed by this
"transformation?" Are its hopes, dreams and unique quirks gone
with the wave of a scalpel? Or even more alarming, what "self"
is in charge now? What is its frame of reference? Is it doomed
to be no more substantive than what lies on the surface?
I have wrestled with the question of whether make-up can ever be
truly flattering when the wearer is living a lie. So, by
extension, what of the woman trying to create a new life
experience by some strategically placed veneers or silicone?
The truth of the matter (and the one that brings forth an
authentic glow that surgery would be hard pressed to replicate)
is to proceed in the world with one's true "self" intact- in all
its apparent kookiness and supposed "faults." In letting this
self and its accompanying frame of reference take the lead, in
time, the optimal ways for us to "show up" in the world- both
internally and externally- will be revealed.
Now I do not mean to suggest that we withhold surgical
correction for those who are born with birth defects, or in a
situation where it is otherwise medically necessary. I am
speaking to the all-too common trend these days, where one is
suddenly seized with an overwhelming urge to look like the
celebrity du jour. Would Barbra Streisand be so distinctively
Barbra without her nose? Perhaps even she realized on a
subconscious level that she would not be going through this life
as a shrinking violet (given her status as a creative force to
reckon with), and that she needed a nose that was up to the
task. Must we all look like J. Lo? How many more Jennifer
Anistons do we need?
For the deeper and more serious concern is while we are lusting
after the assorted body parts of the women that parade across
center stage in the media, the task of being distinctively
ourselves is left on the cutting room floor. And our true self,
far from being defined by our special gifts or our ways of doing
and being, would then be at the mercy of what (or who) is "in."
Sadly, our newly "transformed" sisters may soon find that they
are treating themselves with the same degree of superficiality
and lack of regard.
I am a realist and I am fully aware of how one's appearance can
have an impact on how societal rewards are meted out and how one
is treated. However, is there nothing more reassuring (if not
sexy) than a woman who knows herself, her truth and lives it
boldly, societal dictates be damned? Can someone with the
tell-tale "deer in headlights" demeanor of the perpetually
Botoxed compete with someone with this type of presence and
energy? Can we consider stepping out of the box and proposing a
standard of beauty that doesn't change by the end of Fashion
Week- perhaps revising it to include a demonstrated comfort in
one's skin coupled with fierce self-love?
While we race to submit to the latest procedure, it is tempting
to believe (once the bandages are off) that the "new and
improved" facade that redirects the paparazzi flash bulbs in our
direction holds the answer. However, the more subtle, long-term
process of knowing yourself and seeing how this knowledge
informs and shapes our life experience, is something no surgeon,
no matter how skilled, can facilitate.
2005