IMPROVING SELF ESTEEM WITH AFFIRMATIONS AND THERAPEUTIC
RELAXATION MUSIC
Positive self-esteem is very important for our general health
and wellness as human beings. Having positive self-esteem is
also important for promoting any type of healing, whether
physical, emotional or spiritual. Poor or low self-esteem on the
other hand can be quite detrimental to our well-being and even
our very existence. Negative self-esteem can create anxiety,
stress, loneliness, depression, problems with relationships,
seriously impair academic and job performance and also can
generate an increased vulnerability to drug and alcohol abuse
and dependency. On the other hand, a person with positive
self-esteem tends to be more motivated in taking on and creating
a life that he loves, living it powerfully and in this process
be authentically related to others in his community. Having
positive self-esteem appears to be necessary for having a happy
and healthy existence regardless of who we are or what
profession we are taking on in life.
What is self-esteem? We commonly think that self-esteem is
merely about how we feel about ourselves at any particular
moment. While seemingly existing in degrees, we tend to believe
that we have positive or negative self-esteem and that we make
that determination simply by how we feel about ourselves.
However, within a conversation of Transformational Counseling,
our feelings or emotions do not exist alone or have an
independent existence. We do not just simply feel. Rather, for
every feeling or emotion that we have, either positive or
negative, there is a corresponding thought that we have about
ourselves that generates the experience of self-esteem. Whether
positive or negative, self-esteem is merely how our organism
experiences the thoughts that the individual has about himself
or herself. If a person has positive thoughts about himself he
will experience positive or good self-esteem. On the other hand,
if the individual has negative thoughts about who he thinks he
is then he will experience poor or negative self-esteem.
Therefore, to truly understand what self-esteem is all about and
more importantly to be able to alter it when necessary for ones
wellness or healing, we must first get it that self-esteem is
really about our thinking, and more specifically about the
thoughts that we develop or create about ourselves. The thoughts
or beliefs that we have about ourselves are crucial in that they
determine or create the structure of our experience of
self-esteem and the various emotions associated with it.
We also tend to think of our self-esteem as being something that
is shaped by the events that take place in our life,
particularly those from our past. We tend to believe that who we
think we are and how we feel about ourselves is merely the
product, effect or caused by the experiences that we have had in
the past, that we are who we are by virtue of what has happened
to us as human beings. More specifically, we tend to think that
the cause in the matter of who we think we are and our
self-esteem is due to circumstance, situation or others, people,
places and things. We do not tend to think that our self-esteem
is something we actually developed or created. Within the work
of transformation, it is not the past, circumstance, situation
or others, that determines our underlying self-image and
corresponding self-esteem. We created our thoughts and with it
our emotions from the meaning that we gave to the events that
took place in our life, especially at an early age. As meaning
making machines we give meaning to everything in our life
including and most importantly to ourselves. At an early age the
meaning that we give an event tends to be made out to be all
about us. While events do happen it is not the events that are
important but rather the meaning that we give them and
especially how we made it out to be about our identity.
Given the fact that our thoughts determine our feelings or
emotions and equally important that we are truly responsible for
their creation, to change or transform our self-esteem, how we
tend to feel about ourselves, amounts to us altering how we see
or conceive of ourselves in the world in the now and this work
is our responsibility alone. It is our self-image, how we define
ourselves as an individual in the world in the present, that
determines our experience of self-esteem and it is this that we
are truly responsible for creating and equally responsible for
transforming. When we alter or transform our definition of
ourselves in the present we change how we feel about ourselves
and with it our experience of reality and life in general. If we
do not get it that we are responsible for what we think about
ourselves and that we are the real author of our self-image and
self-esteem we will continue to blame something or some body,
remain powerless and stuck in life. The question of how to
actually go about altering or improving an individual's
self-esteem is one that has been debated for many years by
professionals both in the mental health and addiction arenas.
Self-esteem can be improved or transformed in several ways. One
way to improve ones self-esteem is to do the work of
transformation as outlined in my articles, Transformational
Counseling and The Conversation of Transformation. To improve
ones self-esteem in this manner is to become present to ones
self limiting belief, that which has stopped us in life and in
the process create new possibilities for oneself, a new
self-image from which to begin to live life into. Another way to
improve an individual's self-esteem is through the use of
positive affirmations. Given that the basis of self-esteem is
the thoughts that a person has about himself, an individual with
poor or negative self-esteem is believing negative thoughts or
ideas about who he thinks he is. The individual may think, for
example, that he is "worthless" or "not good enough" and as a
result will tend to experience poor or negative self-esteem.
Within the work of transformation and Transformational
Counseling, the thought that is at the basis or core of our
self-talk is defined as a person's Self Limiting Belief, the
fundamental or core belief about who we think we are. Unless
this core thought or belief that a person has about himself is
changed or transformed he will continue to experience a poor or
negative self-esteem and as a result of this negative thought
pattern create or generate life experiences that will match and
validate what they think about themselves. Given such a
cognitive and emotional situation life will continue to appear
as it has in the past and ones future will merely be the
probable almost certain future.
Utilizing positive affirmations can be a very powerful tool for
transforming what a person thinks about himself and as a result
improve the individual's self-esteem. Consistent use of positive
affirmations will transform the negative beliefs about who a
person thinks he is into positive ones, will begin to alter the
basis and structure of his self talk or inner voice and produce
a transformation from poor self-esteem to positive self-esteem.
While utilized in a various ways, working with positive
affirmations will be more effective when delivered through or
combined with therapeutic relaxation music. What therapeutic
relaxation music does to enhance the effect of positive
affirmations is to create a very relaxed audio environment for
the individual to become even more open or suggestive to the
language of positive affirmations. When therapeutic relaxation
music is combined with binaural audio tones the audio space that
is created for the delivery of positive affirmations is even
more relaxing and as a result very powerful. In addition to
utilizing a unique type of therapeutic relaxation music, the
infusion of either theta or alpha binaural tones is crucial for
the success of this type of intervention. When therapeutic
relaxation music and binaural audio tones are combined in this
fashion the individual will experience a very deep state of
relaxation and as a result be more open to the reception and
eventual acceptance of the positive affirmations.
The key to the effective use of positive affirmation in this or
any other type of intervention is consistency. The self-image
and the negative thoughts about who a person thinks he is that
generates his experience of poor or negative self-esteem is well
established in the his belief system. In many cases the
development of a negative self-image took years to create and
has been reinforced through repetitive behavioral validation.
Once a person creates and then believes that a self-limiting
belief is true he will continually act as if it is true. This
seemingly fundamental belief will appear to the person as true
and as a result will continually be acted upon and thereby be
reinforced through ones behavior. Much of that person's behavior
will be to continually validate who he thinks he is. Ones
behavior will always be directed at supporting, reinforcing and
validating what the person believes is true about him. While
necessary for ones well-being and health, such a transformation
of ones self-image from being basically a negative one to one
that is fundamentally positive does not happen instantly. As
with the development of an individual's negative self-image, the
development of a more adequate belief about the true nature of
the individual will necessitate consistent and repetitive work
by the person. Basic to this process is that the individual must
fully embrace his sense of complete responsibility for the
development of his self-image and also for its transformation.
To do otherwise will only leave the individual feeling powerless
and unable to create the life that he or she truly desires and
unless there is consistency and repetition such a transformation
will simply not happen.
Enhancing My Self Esteem is an audio product that will
effectively transform the very structure of an individual's
thought or belief pattern, the basic ideas and language
structure that he uses to define who he thinks he is in the
world. This product was designed specially to change the
self-talk that a person experiences on a daily basis by changing
the ideas or beliefs that the person has about himself, the very
foundation or backdrop of his inner conversation. As our
identity is merely language, change the language in a person's
mind and his life transforms. By listening to this product an
individual has the opportunity to practice or repeat fifty
positive affirmations that will empower them to alter their
life. Within a conversation of Transformational Counseling,
committing an affirmation to spoken word makes it so or real
especially if it is done repeatedly. Listening to positive
affirmations before sleep also allows the person's mind to begin
this restructuring or reprogramming process even while the
individual sleeps by taking the words and language into their
dream state. By consistently listening to and practicing the
positive affirmations in this product the individual will have
the opportunity to begin to redefine themselves, who they think
they are in the world, from one that is negative to one that is
positive and enhancing for their life. With the acceptance of
the words and language of the positive affirmations will come an
improved self-image and with it an experience of positive self
esteem.
I am currently using Enhancing My Self Esteem with all the
clients that I counsel at the Holistic Addiction Treatment
Program in North Miami Beach, Florida. All of the clients that I
have worked with who are experiencing a drug and/or alcohol
dependency problem also have very low self-esteem. My clients
tend to be very depressed and unmotivated in many if not most of
the various domains of their life, including and especially with
their recovery. When given to my clients as homework, consistent
use of Enhancing My Self Esteem alters how they think and
improves how they feel about themselves. With an improved
self-image and enhanced self-esteem my clients become more
motivated in their life and especially with their recovery. If a
person continues to experience low self-esteem and there is no
intervention to disrupt the underlying cognitive process taking
on improving their life and working the 12 Step Program will be
meaningless and eventually given up completely as so many other
things have been in the past. It is my belief that not altering
or transforming the fundamental structure of ones self-image
accounts for the great percentage of individuals who begin
recovery and eventually relapse. The work that is essential to
successful recovery is for the individual to be able to redefine
who he thinks he is, to alter his self-image, the very
foundation of his experience of self-esteem and life. Who the
individual believes he is will determine what he does and how he
will be in and appear to others and the world.
Harry Henshaw, Ed.D., LMHC http://www.enhancedhealing.com