Savoring, Happiness, and the Unfortunate Cheese Incident
It was nearly 1:00 a.m. in the midst of a particularly ruthless
poker game on the first Thanksgiving weekend I spent with my
husband's family. That's when I uttered the words I'm sure I'll
never live down. It was one of those moments when you wish the
world provided a rewind button to allow you to opt out of an
experience you would rather forget.
During the delicate "get to know you" phase with my in-laws, I
had made a memorable first impression by spending most of the
evening carting around an enormous block of cheese from a now
defunct dairy in Wisconsin. I always specify the
"now-defunctness" of this dairy because if I don't, I get scads
of inquiries asking where people might find this one-of-a-kind
cheese. Cheese, I've found, is one of the great unifiers of
modern society. The sad truth is you can't buy this cheese any
more, which proves my point that it's absolutely critical to
savor pleasurable experiences while you have the chance!
In any case, on the night in question, as I sliced another
paper-thin piece of this dairy delicacy and held it to my
tongue, I innocently thought to myself, "This cheese makes me
happy." It proved to be one of those awkward moments when you
realize you have just audibly shared thoughts that you intended
for your own internal enjoyment. I stared down at the table. And
then at the cheese. And then, ever so begrudgingly, I looked up
at my future in-laws.
Feeling a bit horrified and infinitely self-conscious, I
reluctantly met their gazes. Every last bloodshot, poker-worn
eye stared blankly at me for one very long, painfully quiet
moment. And then the room exploded in laughter. After that,
every time I showed even the slightest fondness for anything
new, one of my loving new family members would ask, "Yes, but
does it make you as happy as that cheese?"
Embarrassment and life-long torment aside, what I now realize is
that this culinary ego-crashing adventure was actually a form of
one of the healthier ways to increase pleasure and happiness in
the present moment. Yes, science has a respectable name for what
I now refer to as "the unfortunate cheese incident." Positive
psychology experts like Martin Seligman (author of Authentic
Happiness) call it "savoring," and they say that it is a good
thing. Thank goodness I have science to back me up here.
The great thing about savoring is that it's easy to do and it's
absolutely free. What could be better than something free and
easy? Except maybe a gigantic brick of creamy cheese. Ok, enough
about the cheese and on to the practical steps. Here's how to
enhance your life by savoring:
- Learn how to savor. Savoring is all about being in the moment,
so stop everything else you're doing-even if only for 30
seconds-and really focus on an experience you're having. For
instance, try immersing yourself in that first cup of coffee or
tea in the morning (or at least the first couple of sips)-enjoy
the scent, the heat, the taste and the memories you associate
with it. Filter out all other senses and focus exclusively on
this one...what do you notice? Being in the moment enhances
pleasure in more ways than you'll ever know.
- Make a daily habit of savoring. Once you've mastered the
savoring skill, identify one activity or opportunity each day to
savor with abandon. Consider both ordinary and special
events-savoring the smell of morning dew on the grass can be
just as powerful and potent as the smell of success that comes
from a new promotion. Savor a range of delights.
- Space out your pleasures. Too much of a good thing
is...well...too much of a good thing. Our synapses crave novelty
and our nerves like newness. That's why it's important to
experience different types of pleasures all the time and to
space them out over time. This is why a massage feels best if
you haven't had one in a while and why your favorite CD gives
you more chills if it's been a month since you've listened to
it. So mix it up and keep it fresh...keep those pleasures coming
at random intervals.
- Try your hand at collective savoring. Pleasures can be
dramatically heightened when they're shared with others. A
fabulous meal just tastes better when you're sharing it with
someone else, and a walk through a beautiful park takes your
breath away with a fun companion at your side.
- Don't stop at savoring. Savoring is a step in the right
direction, but it's only one element of joyful living.
Strategies like practicing gratitude, seeking flow experiences,
and weaving more laughter and silliness into your life are all
contributors to enduring happiness. Build up your toolkit for
the life of your dreams by trying all of these strategies, and
watch them enhance both your quality of life now and your
opportunity for a lifetime of joy and fulfillment.
NOTE: You are welcome to use this article online in electronic
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unaltered (including the "about the author" info). If use of
this article is desired in print, you must first contact Deanna
Davis at Deanna@appliedinsight.net
Copyright 2005 Deanna R. Davis, PhD