Savoring, Happiness, and the Unfortunate Cheese Incident

It was nearly 1:00 a.m. in the midst of a particularly ruthless poker game on the first Thanksgiving weekend I spent with my husband's family. That's when I uttered the words I'm sure I'll never live down. It was one of those moments when you wish the world provided a rewind button to allow you to opt out of an experience you would rather forget. During the delicate "get to know you" phase with my in-laws, I had made a memorable first impression by spending most of the evening carting around an enormous block of cheese from a now defunct dairy in Wisconsin. I always specify the "now-defunctness" of this dairy because if I don't, I get scads of inquiries asking where people might find this one-of-a-kind cheese. Cheese, I've found, is one of the great unifiers of modern society. The sad truth is you can't buy this cheese any more, which proves my point that it's absolutely critical to savor pleasurable experiences while you have the chance! In any case, on the night in question, as I sliced another paper-thin piece of this dairy delicacy and held it to my tongue, I innocently thought to myself, "This cheese makes me happy." It proved to be one of those awkward moments when you realize you have just audibly shared thoughts that you intended for your own internal enjoyment. I stared down at the table. And then at the cheese. And then, ever so begrudgingly, I looked up at my future in-laws. Feeling a bit horrified and infinitely self-conscious, I reluctantly met their gazes. Every last bloodshot, poker-worn eye stared blankly at me for one very long, painfully quiet moment. And then the room exploded in laughter. After that, every time I showed even the slightest fondness for anything new, one of my loving new family members would ask, "Yes, but does it make you as happy as that cheese?" Embarrassment and life-long torment aside, what I now realize is that this culinary ego-crashing adventure was actually a form of one of the healthier ways to increase pleasure and happiness in the present moment. Yes, science has a respectable name for what I now refer to as "the unfortunate cheese incident." Positive psychology experts like Martin Seligman (author of Authentic Happiness) call it "savoring," and they say that it is a good thing. Thank goodness I have science to back me up here. The great thing about savoring is that it's easy to do and it's absolutely free. What could be better than something free and easy? Except maybe a gigantic brick of creamy cheese. Ok, enough about the cheese and on to the practical steps. Here's how to enhance your life by savoring: - Learn how to savor. Savoring is all about being in the moment, so stop everything else you're doing-even if only for 30 seconds-and really focus on an experience you're having. For instance, try immersing yourself in that first cup of coffee or tea in the morning (or at least the first couple of sips)-enjoy the scent, the heat, the taste and the memories you associate with it. Filter out all other senses and focus exclusively on this one...what do you notice? Being in the moment enhances pleasure in more ways than you'll ever know. - Make a daily habit of savoring. Once you've mastered the savoring skill, identify one activity or opportunity each day to savor with abandon. Consider both ordinary and special events-savoring the smell of morning dew on the grass can be just as powerful and potent as the smell of success that comes from a new promotion. Savor a range of delights. - Space out your pleasures. Too much of a good thing is...well...too much of a good thing. Our synapses crave novelty and our nerves like newness. That's why it's important to experience different types of pleasures all the time and to space them out over time. This is why a massage feels best if you haven't had one in a while and why your favorite CD gives you more chills if it's been a month since you've listened to it. So mix it up and keep it fresh...keep those pleasures coming at random intervals. - Try your hand at collective savoring. Pleasures can be dramatically heightened when they're shared with others. A fabulous meal just tastes better when you're sharing it with someone else, and a walk through a beautiful park takes your breath away with a fun companion at your side. - Don't stop at savoring. Savoring is a step in the right direction, but it's only one element of joyful living. Strategies like practicing gratitude, seeking flow experiences, and weaving more laughter and silliness into your life are all contributors to enduring happiness. Build up your toolkit for the life of your dreams by trying all of these strategies, and watch them enhance both your quality of life now and your opportunity for a lifetime of joy and fulfillment. NOTE: You are welcome to use this article online in electronic newsletters and e-zines as long as it remains complete and unaltered (including the "about the author" info). If use of this article is desired in print, you must first contact Deanna Davis at Deanna@appliedinsight.net Copyright 2005 Deanna R. Davis, PhD