The Power of Saying "No"
We are in a season in which activities and demands are picking
up. There are more schedules to manage and more pulls on our
time. In general, we want to be helpful and accommodating to
people. As a result, we hate to say "No." People often do
anything to avoid this word: We will avoid people, redirect
conversations, make excuses, be non-committal, or simply say
"Yes" to things we know we will have a hard time following
through on. The reality of the situation is that we simply
cannot do everything. When we keep saying "Yes" to things, we
are adding on more stuff to our plate, which causes stress,
frustration, and an overwhelmed feeling. Even though we would
like to answer "Yes" to everything, in order to have a peaceful
life that contains quality, balance and basic sanity, we must
learn how to say "No."
How do you do it? When you say "Yes" to a new activity, you have
to say "No" to remove something else that is already on your
full plate. Here is how:
1. Be clear on your priorities and what is important. If you are
not clear, you will not have a compelling reason to say "No"
when you feel drawn to accept a new item on your plate. Try to
strike a balance with the Essential Eight: family, friends,
work, health, budgeting, fun, physical space (home, office,
car), and personal growth (spiritual, educational, personal
development). For example, for family, you could commit to
spending five hours a day taking care of your family and making
sure their needs are met, and for work you could commit to
spending eight hours a day working on projects that produce an
income of $5000/month in order to provide for your family.
2. Set filters for each of your Essential Eight areas. You want
to list your Essential Eight in order of priority, and set a
filter for each (take the purpose/goal for each area and then be
clear on what fits and what does not). Take special note of the
proportion each area is getting. If priority one is family, two
is work, three is health, and you have committed 100% to work,
with no time allotted for family or for personal care, several
negative things will happen. Your health will suffer, which will
then jeopardize your physical ability to complete your work.
Your family will also interrupt and demand superhuman feats for
you to squeeze their needs onto your already full plate. These
filters will help you discern to what things you need to say
"No" to in order to maintain balance.
3. Evaluate what is on your plate. Considering each of the
Essential Eight areas and your priorities, determine what your
needs are. Do you need it or not? Consider your balance so you
have some big projects (meat), some personal care (veggies),
some daily necessities (good grain/fillers), and a hobby/fun
thing (dessert). These are the things to which you are saying
"Yes!"
4. Say "No" to the things that do not meet your filters. These
may be the least important things on your list, or new things
that come up in your life. Remember that whenever you say "Yes"
to something you are saying "No" to something else. If you say
"Yes" to a weekend project at work, you are saying "No" to your
family time that weekend (You may not have to specifically tell
your family "No" but that will be the result). If you say "Yes"
to volunteer at the evening carnival, you are saying "No" to
your workout, which could result in your being more tired and
lethargic, and therefore less productive the next day.
When you say "No" you have more power to say "Yes" to what is
important. Remember that "No" can mean "Never," but it can also
mean, "No, not right now." Let yourself have some space to do
what is important. You will experience the power of balance and
boundaries, which will result in you being more effective and
productive. You will enjoy less stress and more peace with your
life.