How to Stop Being Judgmental
"If her past were your past, her pain your pain, her level of
consciousness your level of consciousness, you would think and
act exactly as she does. With this realization comes
forgiveness, compassion, peace." -- Eckert Tolle
Judgmental people wish their beliefs, their habits, their way of
life on others. They look down their nose at people who don't
live up to their potential. But, your way feels right, you say.
Well, your way feels right to you because of who you are, and it
IS right for you. But, it is arrogant to think that others
should act, be, and make the same choices that you do. For all
of our differences, as long as we aren't out there raping,
killing and molesting, we deserve love, respect and acceptance.
During our personal-growth travels, we'll inevitably find things
we don't like about ourselves. Many of us will learn that we are
judgmental of others. We will realize that if not conquered it
will erode our pathway to enlightenment. But, how does one
change from being a judgmental person to being a person who
accepts others for who they are?
To start, re-read the preceding quotation. Once you realize its
truths, you'll accept others without judging them. Secondly,
just in case this is your first venture into self-improvement,
don't be hard on yourself. It's only when you realize your
short-comings and do nothing about them that you should feel
guilt or remorse about not putting forth the effort to learn how
to be a better person.
Keeping the quotation in mind, say you see someone in line at
the post office. She wears faded-gray sweat pants, a ratty
T-shirt, and dirty tennis shoes. In your judgmental days, you'd
be aghast that she could leave home looking like that. You've
judged her to be uncaring of her appearance, or you've judged
her to be poor, or you've judged her in some other way. But, now
that you are a student of personal growth and are trying to get
rid of this unfavorable side of yourself, you see that there
could be a myriad of reasons why she chooses to present herself
that way. Perhaps she's a beauty and she's tired of all the
leering. Perhaps she's in deep grief from a personal loss and so
she does not care about her appearance. Perhaps she was doing
some gardening when the post office called about a package she
was eager to get. It could be any reason. The point is that she
is who she is and you are who you are. How one presents
themselves in public is none of your business, nor is it up to
you to dictate how another person runs her life. Your way is
right for you. Her way is right for her.
Another example: Someone speeds up to your bumper and rides
there until it is barely safe to pass. Your prior self would
have judged her. You might say to yourself or your passengers,
"She is one disorganized person. She should have left home
earlier." Your new self realizes that she could be rushing to
help her elderly father who just called to tell her he fell and
thinks his hip is broken. It could be anything other than your
perception that she is just not as organized as you are. Even if
she IS a disorganized mess, who says she needs to be more
organized? You? You are a stranger to this driver. You haven't
lived her life; you cannot know what shaped her into who she now
is. All you can do is empathize. When you're empathetic, you
have no reason to feel bad thoughts about others.
Now that you know how to not be judgmental, when the urge to be
judgmental rears it ugly head, just think of all the reasons
this person might have for doing what you deem to be the "wrong"
thing. Soon, you'll have a new habit of going around with
compassion in your soul for the people in which we share this
world.
As a student of personal growth, your payoff is huge, and when
you become non-judgmental you will indeed gain "forgiveness,
compassion and peace." It's a wonderful feeling to be
unsaddled from thinking ill of others. This is not to say that
others will quit judging you just because you aren't judging of
others. After all, they may not yet know that there is such a
thing as being non-judgmental or of becoming a better person!
It's sad, but they may never know. You just continue on your
journey. Remember, it's none of your business whether they are
on a path of enlightenment or not; your business is with
building a better you. Keep it up.