Don't Let Your Balloon POP!
I've come to the conclusion that it's okay to be "not fine."
When people ask me how I'm doing lately, I don't rattle off a
list of complaints and observations, sad feelings and grievances
- as a matter of fact, I just might say, "I'm okay." However, I
admit that within myself things are NOT fine and try to work
through the feelings that creates.
I don't need to share with others all of the time. It's good to
vent to a friend and I don't discount that. But, I've learned
that I'd better vent with myself and acknowledge my feelings or
I, like a balloon with too much air, will POP.
Embrace the good and the not so good in your life. Don't run
from it or try to bury it.
By doing this; by saying to myself that I am NOT fine right now,
I can work through my feelings more easily.
How do I do it? It's taken me while to figure it out and I don't
have all the answers. But, 'self allowance' is very important.
I'm not advocating DWELLING in your problems. I'm suggesting
that you allow yourself to FEEL. The world isn't always sunshine
and smiles and if you try to force yourself into that very high,
unrealistic expectation, you'll eventually POP!
I've done it, so I know.
You've got to let some air out of your balloon.
Give the air to God.
So, I acknowledge and embrace these parts of myself right now. I
allow myself to feel hurt and cry. I turn to God for help and
guidance and I ask for more strength.
Here are some examples:
My heart is ripped apart over the fact that my fiance's Dad has
just been diagnosed with cancer. I HATE being in the hospital
seeing him suffer. I DETEST the fear that I feel and see and
smell. I want to fall apart when I see the pain in my fiance
eyes. I am NOT okay with this. It hurts, and it hurts a lot. I
cannot always be the pillar of strength I have expected myself
to be. I lose it sometimes and I am finally saying to myself
that it's okay to do that. I ask God to help me. I need His
strength so that I can be strong.
If I don't, my balloon will pop.
I can't always 'be there' without replenishing my resources. I
don't have unlimited strength. I need time alone to embrace
myself and my needs. I have to re-charge my batteries so that I
CAN be there for others. I cannot do it alone. I am not meant to
be the 'Energizer Bunny' because I am human.
It DOES get to me when I see a patient in a hospital being
mistreated and I DO CARE and I WILL do something about it no
matter what anyone else says. Example: I saw a man being wheeled
by one nurse, while the other tagged behind with his I.V. The
nurse with the I.V. stopped and the other kept going. Obviously
this resulted in a lot of discomfort for the patient as the
lines got tangled around his neck. He had to say, "Hey, what are
you doing?" The nurses laughed. I had to let air out of my
balloon. It was wrong. I couldn't keep still and silently watch
this. The man's pillow fell to the floor and the nurses were too
busy laughing to realize the patient was struggling to get
comfortable. Finally, one of them saw the pillow and plunked it
BESIDE his head, not under it. They didn't CARE and that
bothered me. My balloon was filling fast. How did I let some air
out? I took action. I did what I knew was right in my gut. I
walked up behind the man and said, while grabbing his pillow,
"Do you need help with this?"
"Yes," he replied.
Big deal. I put the pillow under his head and he was
comfortable. He doesn