Nigerian Lawyers Want to Send You Money!!!
Nigerian lawyers want to send me millions of dollars!
Apparently in Nigeria there have been a number of explosionsand
mishaps and each time this happens in their country somebody
seems to leave millions of dollars and no blood relatives who
are able to claim the fortune. Do you know who gets the money in
that event?
Me!
I know. Seems a little odd. But that's the way they do it. The
lawyers do a massive internet search for any person with the
same last name, or just a foreigner, who will take this money
off of their hands. It turns out that in nine seperate
mishaps/explosions that person turned out to be yours truly.
Now, it may seem a little suspicious that I'd be so lucky to be
the benificiary of such mishaps/explosions, but the fact of the
matter is: I am that lucky. What other explanation could there
be?
It's totally legit. Do you know how I know this? The lawyers all
told me so, without me even having to ask them. They just
vounteered this information and not only that, they did so with
lots of exclaimation points!!!!!! If I'd needed any more
convincing, those emphatic punctuation marks surely made the
case. Lawyers don't just throw those in anywhere unless what
they're telling you is urgent and important.
Also, I can tell it's a real proposition because they've told me
not to call the authorities, which can mean only one thing: It's
so much on the up and up that I don't have to bother the legal
establishment at all. I've even been assured that it is not a
scam, which can only mean that it's all totally honest, because
totally honest people always make a point to let you know that
they're not lying to you or ripping you off.
My total take so far is one hundred and ninety nine million and
a half. I'm waiting until all the yacht catalogs I ordered come
in before contacting these lawyers because I want to make sure I
know beforehand how I'm going to spend my fabulous wealth.
Or not. Sigh.
Actually, I did bite in a small way on the first one of these
E-mail letters that came my way. I bought it at first, sort of,
in a way. Because I really wanted to believe that life changing
money could fall in my lap in this way. I'd coincidentally been
filling out some of these PCH forms and when I read this letter
I treated it like one more lottery or prize-winning contest.
So, I sent this first lawyer - by E-mail - my telephone number.
My reasoning was that he couldn't rip me off with this
information, because if that were the case then anybody with a
phone book could do so, to any person in there who had a
listing.
As I should have been able to predict, he called and asked me
for my bank account number so that he could get my millions of
dollars transferred. He left a message on my machine, so I
wasn't able to talk with this fellow directly and then, of
course, I didn't call him back. It saddened me to realize that I
wasn't going to be a millionaire and there probably wasn't a
'Sir Richard Sommers' who perished in a pipeline explosion with
his entire known family, leaving only me to inherit.
Even sadder, I told this story in class and was told of an older
man who had lost seventy thousand dollars in a deal that was
almost exactly the same as the one I related. That should be a
warning. There are people out there who think that they have
more of a right to your hard earned money than you do, if you
make the unforgivable mistake of trusting them.
Nigeria, by the way, is a fantastically corrupt place. Sixty
Minutes did a story on the place where Mike Wallace boutght
identity papers proving that he was a Nigerian citizen. They
weren't forged, either, he got them by bribing public officials.