Less Talk, More Action!
It is time for less talk and more action - loving action.
Loving actions are those actions that support our highest good
and the highest good of others. Loving actions are those actions
that are motivated by love rather than by fear.
Many people who have been on a path of personal and spiritual
growth have spent a lot of time talking. Talking with friends
about what is wrong and what they want. Talking with therapists
about their past and their beliefs. Talking with a mate about
what needs changing. They have explored and explored and talked
and talked - and not much has changed.
Exploring our limiting beliefs and where we got them is
essential for opening the door to loving action, but taking
loving action is the secret to joy. We can talk and talk and
learn and learn, but until we are willing to take loving action,
nothing will change. It is not that it is time to stop learning
about our fears and beliefs, but it is time for all this
learning to result in loving action.
WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE ACTIONS YOU TAKE?
We are always taking action, yet much of the time the actions we
take are not loving, in that they do not support our own and
others' highest good.
All of our actions are being motivated by one of two intentions:
The intention to have control over getting love and avoiding
pain. The intention to control is motivated by fear and the
desire to protect against that which we fear.
The intention to learn about what is most loving to ourselves
and others. This intention is motivated by love and the desire
to become the most loving person we can be.
When our actions are being motivated by fear and our intent is
to control, our wounded self is in charge.
When our actions are being motivated by love - both for
ourselves and others - our loving Adult is in charge.
THE WOUNDED SELF
The wounded self is who we are when our primary intention is to
have control over getting love and avoiding pain. Other common
terms for the wounded self are the false self and the ego.
Our wounded self, coming from old fears and limiting beliefs,
tries to feel safe through attempting to control our own painful
feelings, as well as control others' feelings and behavior and
the outcome of things.
We are operating as our wounded self when we are listening to
and taking action based on the programmed lies of our mind -
lies such as:
* I'm not good enough.
* I will always end up alone.
* There is something essentially wrong with me.
* When others are angry or withdrawn, it is my fault.
* I am responsible for others' feelings.
* Others are responsible for my feelings.
These are just a few of the hundreds of lies that we absorbed as
we were growing up. When we listen to and take action based
these false beliefs, our actions are controlling rather than
loving. Controlling actions lead to anxiety, depression, stress,
anger, and many other painful feelings. We get caught in a
vicious circle of creating our pain with our unloving,
controlling actions, then choosing more controlling actions in
our attempt to stop the pain that we have created with our
controlling actions. Whew!
For example, if you lash out at someone with blaming anger in an
attempt to control him or her, you may end up feeling anxious
and lonely. You may then try to control your feelings of anxiety
and loneliness by overeating or eating junk. This may result in
feeling physically bad as well as in weight gain. Then you may
feel anxious and depressed over the weight gain, which may
generate fears of rejection. You may then attempt to cover over
your fears of rejection by being overly nice in your attempt to
control how someone feels about you. When that person does not
respond in a loving way to you, you may then feel hurt and lash
out in anger and blame in your attempt to have control over the
other person as well as over your own hurt. Now you are right
back where you started - a vicious circle of pain and
controlling behavior.
THE LOVING ADULT
In order to take loving action, your loving Adult needs to be in
charge of your choices. Your loving Adult is who you are when
you are coming from a deep desire to be a loving person and you
are open to learning about what is most loving to yourself and
others. When you are truly open to learning, you will naturally
be connected with a higher source of guidance - i.e. when you
ask "What is the most loving action in this moment?" helpful
answers will pop into your mind. Once you receive the answer in
a particular situation, the loving Adult then takes the loving
action.
It is time to open to learning about loving action and then take
the loving action. Less talk, more action!