How To Deal With Difficult People Part 4-The Aggressive Driver
When He Is A Loved One
45 year old John terrorized his family when they were his
passengers. He would yell at them if they complained about his
driving.
He would ignore them when they showed signs of discomfort and
even seemed to enjoy scaring his passengers with his maneuvers
such as tailgating, weaving in and out of traffic, passing other
cars dangerously, and pulling too far into crosswalks so
pedestrians are unable to safely cross the street. John would
show aggression in other ways too -- like insisting on choosing
the radio station, controlling the volume of the radio, and
controlling the temperature, the fan setting and where the vents
are aimed while driving. He refused to stop for restroom breaks
on long trips.
John was anything but "passengerfriendly" yet he did not see
himself as the problem. Statistics show that while 70% of
drivers complain about the aggressiveness of others, only 30%
admit to their own aggressiveness. John saw other drivers as
"stupid, " his family/passengers as "whiney," and the roadway as
his personal terrain. Unfortunately, we all pay the price for
this kind of distorted thinking.
High Cost of Aggressive Driving
According to recent statistics, aggressive driving is at the
core of numerous fatalities, injuries and dollar costs
associated with accidents. More specifically, it is linked to:
Fatalities (425,000 per decade) Injuries (35 million per decade)
Dollars (250 billion per year)
The cost to the emotional well-being of family members is also
very high. Often, family members develop a fear of driving with
the aggressive driver. While they may not talk about it,
passengers may lose esteem, respect and affection toward the
driver.
Younger passengers may also be affected later in life by being
exposed to this kind of driving behavior. By watching and then
modeling their aggressivedriver parent, the child may develop
similar attitudes and driving behaviors when he or she becomes a
driver.
Driving Under The Influence
At its root, aggressive driving is caused by poor ability to
handle angry feelings. The aggressive driver is, in effect,
driving under the influence of impaired emotions. Studies list
many reasons why driving arouses anger in aggressive drivers.
Some of the most common are:
- Territoriality. The car is a symbol associated with individual
freedom and self-esteem. Our car is our castle and the space
around it is our territory. When other drivers invade our space
the aggressive driver responds with hostility to protect his
"castle."
- Restriction. In congested traffic, you are prevented from
going forward. This can lead to frustration, anxiety and an
intense desire to escape the restriction.
- Multitasking. We become irritated at others when we see them
driving poorly while talking on the cell phone, eating, or
performing personal grooming.
- Poor life planning. We don't allow enough time to get to our
destination on a consistent basis so we "press" to make up for
the lost time and then become stressed and angry at other
drivers who we see as frustrating our mad dash.
What can you do as a passenger?
While aggressive driving behavior ultimately must be changed by
the driver himself, the following are some survival tips that
may help until that occurs:
1. Refuse to passenger with such a person until he or she
changes.
2. Share with driver how you feel when they drive aggressively.
For example: I feel anxious about how fast we're going (instead
of "you are driving too fast"); I'm upset about the way you
swore at that driver and I am fearful how it will affect our
children who heard you; I feel afraid when you approach
pedestrians too fast; I feel bullied by you when you won't stop
for a bathroom break.
3. Encourage person to look at their "driving philosophy" and to
develop more empathy regarding how others (like the family) are
being negatively impacted by his or her poor driving behavior.
That is, help him see himself through the eyes of his family.
This honest feedback from loved ones can be a powerful tool to
encourage the aggressive driver to become a better citizen of
the roadways.
2006