Have an Emotionally Intelligent Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day is coming. I'm always reminded of the year I
left a card shop after choosing cards, worrying if I was
spending too much or too little, thinking of Valentines in the
past I should and should not have gotten, mourning the fact I
had no "honey" that year, being mad at the Madison Avenue
thrust, and worrying if I'd done a good job for those I loved
and wanted to remember ... and the card store owner called out
to me, "Be careful out there Susan. There are a lot of angry
lovers on the road today." It's an emotional time. Make it an
emotionally intelligent time.
1. Check in with your intentions. Do you intend to let things
upset you? Do you intend to compare your gift with what somewhat
else gets? Do you intend to feel disappointed because nothing's
good enough for you? Do you intend to enjoy your day?
2. Use your empathy in your gift-giving. If you wish to remember
someone with love, think and feel what love might mean to that
person, not to you. It could be a power tool, a poem you write,
spending nothing because your budget's busted, an evening out
together, something quite gushy or something not gushy at all.
3. Be self-forgiving and other-forgiving. It doesn't have to be
a perfect Valentine's Day, just "good enough." We don't always
get it right, and nobody's perfect. Be willing to be pleased.
4. Emotional self-expression. Are you assuming someone's going
to read your mind, or are you willing to ask for what you want
and need?
5. Emotional acceptance and management. All emotions are
welcome, because our emotions don't know what's "justified" and
what isn't. Be willing to experience the different emotions you
have, because to deny one (sadness, anger) is to deny the rest
of them, the ones we enjoy so much, like joy and delight. If
you're sad, lonely, or disappointed, try to let it just move
through you and don't trap it. It will pass and things will
change. They always do.
6. Intuition. Intuition will serve you better than using
analysis and reason to figure out what someone wants! If you
kind of sit back and float a picture in your mind, it will
probably come to you what she or he would like. Or think about
it just before you fall asleep at night. Sometimes the idea will
pop into your mind in the morning.
7. Focus. When the emotions are pitching around, remember to put
on the "blinders" and stay focused on your tasks. It can even be
a relief!
8. Plan ahead. Valentine's Day falls on a Tuesday this year. Do
you want to celebrate the weekend before? Many will. If you plan
to celebrate on a Saturday night, that means Valentine's Day
"really" comes on the 10th of February. If you're sending
flowers (always a favorite with the ladies), you should have
placed your order by February 8th. 9. Use your creativity. Great
Valentine remembrances can cost a fortune, or nothing at all.
Let your imagination soar and you'll come up with something
without busting your budget and feeling guilty.
10. Be organized. Set your budget. Make a list of people you
want to remember. Start listing ideas. Remember there are lots
of merchants out there who want to make it easy for you -- use
the phone, use the Internet. On the other hand, merchants will
be ready with all the last-minute "deals" and we'll be deluged
with email ads. In that case you have to be organized about not
getting confused, but you will have lots of last-minute
opportunity and may even come out better.
If you need someone to talk to, or ideas for gifts, activities,
etc. try a professional life coach or certified EQ coach. A
quick phone call can be invaluable at this time. Most of all,
it's your Valentine's Day. Have it your way!