Have an Emotionally Intelligent Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is coming. I'm always reminded of the year I left a card shop after choosing cards, worrying if I was spending too much or too little, thinking of Valentines in the past I should and should not have gotten, mourning the fact I had no "honey" that year, being mad at the Madison Avenue thrust, and worrying if I'd done a good job for those I loved and wanted to remember ... and the card store owner called out to me, "Be careful out there Susan. There are a lot of angry lovers on the road today." It's an emotional time. Make it an emotionally intelligent time. 1. Check in with your intentions. Do you intend to let things upset you? Do you intend to compare your gift with what somewhat else gets? Do you intend to feel disappointed because nothing's good enough for you? Do you intend to enjoy your day? 2. Use your empathy in your gift-giving. If you wish to remember someone with love, think and feel what love might mean to that person, not to you. It could be a power tool, a poem you write, spending nothing because your budget's busted, an evening out together, something quite gushy or something not gushy at all. 3. Be self-forgiving and other-forgiving. It doesn't have to be a perfect Valentine's Day, just "good enough." We don't always get it right, and nobody's perfect. Be willing to be pleased. 4. Emotional self-expression. Are you assuming someone's going to read your mind, or are you willing to ask for what you want and need? 5. Emotional acceptance and management. All emotions are welcome, because our emotions don't know what's "justified" and what isn't. Be willing to experience the different emotions you have, because to deny one (sadness, anger) is to deny the rest of them, the ones we enjoy so much, like joy and delight. If you're sad, lonely, or disappointed, try to let it just move through you and don't trap it. It will pass and things will change. They always do. 6. Intuition. Intuition will serve you better than using analysis and reason to figure out what someone wants! If you kind of sit back and float a picture in your mind, it will probably come to you what she or he would like. Or think about it just before you fall asleep at night. Sometimes the idea will pop into your mind in the morning. 7. Focus. When the emotions are pitching around, remember to put on the "blinders" and stay focused on your tasks. It can even be a relief! 8. Plan ahead. Valentine's Day falls on a Tuesday this year. Do you want to celebrate the weekend before? Many will. If you plan to celebrate on a Saturday night, that means Valentine's Day "really" comes on the 10th of February. If you're sending flowers (always a favorite with the ladies), you should have placed your order by February 8th. 9. Use your creativity. Great Valentine remembrances can cost a fortune, or nothing at all. Let your imagination soar and you'll come up with something without busting your budget and feeling guilty. 10. Be organized. Set your budget. Make a list of people you want to remember. Start listing ideas. Remember there are lots of merchants out there who want to make it easy for you -- use the phone, use the Internet. On the other hand, merchants will be ready with all the last-minute "deals" and we'll be deluged with email ads. In that case you have to be organized about not getting confused, but you will have lots of last-minute opportunity and may even come out better. If you need someone to talk to, or ideas for gifts, activities, etc. try a professional life coach or certified EQ coach. A quick phone call can be invaluable at this time. Most of all, it's your Valentine's Day. Have it your way!