Making Personal Development Personal
We've written before about Impact Factory's brand of
Professional Personal Development (Professional Personal
Development What is it?), but we're just going to take a little
side step here to talk about the broader issue of Personal
Development.
This is because there's an awful lot of talk about personal
development and for some people, they're not quite sure how it
relates to them. Often when we become adults, learn new skills,
have a job, a relationship (or not), friends, colleagues, we're
pretty much set in who we are, how we think and behave and what
the nature of our emotional selves is.
Personal Development can sometimes seem like a pretty daunting
'task' rather than something to be desired or pursued. Do I have
to change everything about me? Won't it be painful and
emotionally wrenching? Do I have to change everything about me?
I'll lose my friends if I change too much.
Common myths. And myths they are if you look at the gentler,
more humane way to approach personal development. It shouldn't
be wrenching; you don't need to have an 'epiphany' and change
your ways forever; it should be a natural evolution of who you
already are, not a tearing apart and a putting back together
again.
Although Impact Factory primarily works with people in the
workplace, the issues surrounding personal development are the
same in any area of your life.
And here are a few reasons why:
Reverting to type and dealing with the feelings
What is very clear to anyone that works with people is that
under pressure, people will 'revert to type'. In normal
circumstances, when there's no pressure, everyone knows how they
would like to deal with things differently. However, when
decisions need to be made quickly, when things aren't working as
you would wish, when others become more demanding, most people
under stress will behave as they always have. They will not have
the time, nor will they make the time to weigh and measure their
options.
What they will do is react to the current situation and do what
they've always done to get a speedy result. What they have
always done may not - often is not - the most appropriate choice
to make; but it seems to be the only one available to them at
the time. It is in hindsight that other options become clear.
People cannot help reverting to type. It is how the species has
survived: when a mastodon came into view, people didn't take
time to ponder their options; they acted immediately. That vital
mechanism is within us all: under threat we will react without
conscious thought in order to survive.
However, without well-developed people skills, pressurised
communication in all areas of our lives can look like bullying
or blaming where it's easier to accuse or order someone around
rather than encourage. It can mean that people will avoid
conflict and back down from useful confrontation where
differences could get resolved. People will make incorrect
assumptions and then act on them. Reverting to type can also
mean avoiding getting support from others because you feel you
have to do everything yourself.
When people revert to type, they are usually driven by their
feelings, and it will usually be feelings that get in the way of
being able to change behaviour constructively. Most people know
how they would like to behave, so teaching the 'how to' is not
at issue here.
Feelings that can get in the way of effectiveness can be
anything from nervousness about presenting, to fear of
humiliation for saying something stupid, to being intimidated by
a particular person who seems to wrong-foot you all the time.
Feelings can make you shy away from handling tricky situations
from saying no to Christmas dinner with the parents to asking
for a raise or communicating more honestly with a colleague.
At Impact Factory we address the fact that at times (more often
than not) uncomfortable feelings will make it difficult, if not
impossible, to create the outcome you want. Otherwise, people
are trying to cope with new information and new techniques
without acknowledging that their emotions can, at times, stop
them making any change whatsoever.
That's not personal development, and trying to learn new things
without that essential acknowledgement usually means the
learning won't stick.
Changing yourself to change others
We hear over and over again in people's personal and work lives
that things would be much better if only someone else would
change the way they do things. "If my sister wasn't so stubborn,
we'd have a much easier relationship." "I'd get on much better
if only my line manager would give me more time to get things
done." "My job would be easier if only my secretary was more
efficient." "My parents are so frustrating; if only they would
start treating me like an adult."
In these and many other examples, the solution seems to rest
with someone else. Therefore, the responsibility for moving
things forward rests with others as well. There will always be
situations where life would be far better if someone else would
just shape up and do things the way we think they ought to be
done! However, that attitude puts all the power and influence
into someone else's hands and leaves us feeling impotent and
often inadequate. You can have a good moan, but nothing changes.
Changing what you do, changing the way you speak to others,
changing your attitude towards recurring difficulties will
change the normally predictable outcome.
When we talk about change, we are looking for simple changes;
tweaks, adjustments, small alterations, rather than looking to
change everything about a person. At Impact Factory we talk
about the least amount of change for the greatest impact.
Striving for small but effective changes rather than complete
transformation.
That's' how true personal development needs to happen: not
massive life-changing upheaval, but easily manageable,
incremental changes that don't require you to change everything
about yourself (or expect everyone else to change as well).
When we work with people's personal development on our workshops
we make it easy and enjoyable and filled with variety, so that
there is 'something for everyone'. What works for one person,
won't necessarily work for others. We believe that the way
forward is to find a few things that you know you'll be able to
do, to have fun doing them and to experience enough small wins
as you practise them. These are the things you'll be able to
remember in the heat of a difficult situation. You will revert
to a new type that feels familiar because it's developed from
who you already are, not about becoming someone you'll never be!
Real life, not make believe
Here's one way that we do that: we use real-life, everyday
situations that people encounter on the job or in their personal
lives, rather than giving people made up, textbook scenarios
they then have to 'act out'. Working with real issues helps
people recognise and understand their feelings rather than
ignoring them or wishing they would go away.
We know that if you spend time learning and developing new
skills on a course there needs to be a realistic bridge between
the workshop room and real life.
We always ask people to bring in their own experiences - a
challenging presenting situation, a recurring difficult person
or problem, an upcoming meeting, etc. Within those real-life
scenarios, we use some of the tools and techniques that the
individual has practised during the training and has already
found works for them.
By letting people work on their specific issues and then
incorporating their favourite techniques into the re-enactments,
they get to choose what they feel able to do, rather than ones
they ought to do.
And if we could sum up our entire philosophy in one word it
would be: choice.
When people feel they have choice, they feel more confident and
better able to deal with the ordinary and the extraordinary of
work and personal life.
And that's how we make personal development personal as well!