Feeling Forgettable
My teenage daughter reminded me of something the other night. We
were talking about things that were going on at school. She is
in a drama class and is one of the teacher's favorite students.
However, when assigning roles for an upcoming show the students
are putting on, the teacher completely forgot to put my daughter
on the list. This isn't one of those big school plays that
students try out for and hope to get a role. This is a mandatory
class project and is the equivalent of their mid-term or final
exam. The teacher assigned each child to a group and the groups
were assigned one-act plays to direct, rehearse, and then
perform in front of the parents. My daughter was shocked that as
one of the favorites in the class, that the teacher had
completely forgotten to put her on the roster. She was
frustrated because she ended up with a boring group doing a
boring role while the rest of the teacher's favorites had all
been hand picked for starring roles. She wasn't at all angry,
just frustrated that the teacher would have forgotten her and
therefore she ended up in a lesser role.
I told her that I had always been the same way... a student
that was well liked by the teachers but completely forgettable.
She then went on to say that she thinks that if she went back to
any of the teachers that she had just two years ago, that they
wouldn't be able to remember her name. She feels completely
forgettable. She knows that she's a good person, but that she's
easily forgotten. Her friends forget to invite her to their
get-togethers. Laughing together, we compared stories of being
forgotten. I told her that my career in Corporate America was
full of those kinds of stories where bosses would forget that I
even existed at promotion time, yet would say how much they
counted on me because I was so reliable and dependable. Such is
the life of the good little worker-bee who does not cause
problems and does not jump up and down saying, "Look at me! Look
at me!" Show up on time every day, do your job well, stay out of
trouble, remain likeable and politically neutral, and what do
you get for it? Forgotten. Nobody remembers that you were ever
there.
Does it matter? Does that mean anything in the big context of
your life? Yes and no. If you have goals that involve promotions
and somehow getting the public to acknowledge you, then yes it
matters very much. You won't be able to follow your dreams if
you stay in this forgettable state. If you have a full life,
love what you do for a living, don't require any attention nor
recognition in order to advance within your chosen field, and
you are secure in yourself, then no it doesn't matter if they
forget you the minute you walk out of the room. For a teenage
girl wanting some popularity and notoriety, it matters. That
same girl wants to be a doctor some day. Will being forgettable
stop her? No, not likely. If you work in sales, the
entertainment industry, or as a politician then yes being
forgettable is career suicide. If you work in research
industries, daycare, bill collections, nursing, or clerical
positions then it really wouldn't matter all that much if you're
an unforgettable personality or not. It really just depends on
your career and what you want to do with it.
It matters most, in your personal life outside of your career.
If your friends and family forget that you even exist, then
unless you are an extreme introvert, you are going to have
problems. It's one thing to be forgotten by your boss and
coworkers, it's quite another thing to be forgotten by your
family or to have your friends forget about you. Most people end
up feeling isolated, alone, and unlovable. Unfortunately, this
also causes depression, self-esteem issues, and can lead to
substance abuse. There is nothing worse then feeling like nobody
would notice or care if you dropped off the face of the earth
tomorrow. Humans are a social creature. We were never designed
to be hermits. We require positive loving contact with each
other. We need to travel in packs with like-minded folks who
care about us. There is nothing more powerful then knowing that
someone's life has been deeply touched by you and the fact that
you simply exist makes their corner world a more beautiful
place.
So, on some level whether for career purposes or for our own
socialization needs, we need to know that we are not completely
forgettable. How do we become unforgettable? The easiest way to
know that you will never be forgotten is to be as mean and ugly
as you possibly can. Being a jerk makes people think about you,
plot their life around avoiding you, and they naturally will
bring up your name in conversations. I will remember one bill
collector that was in charge of my school loans until the day I
die. Not because she was a bill collector, I've known many and
have even been one. No, I will remember her because she made my
life a living hell for about five years. Yes, I know that you
don't want to be like that, but let's be honest. We all know
people who are horribly mean for no good reason and they are
unforgettable because of it.
The other route you can take is to be more than just a good
kind dependable worker-bee. Be more than just a quiet loyal
family member who doesn't bother others with your problems. You
have to become bright with an inner light that people can't
quite explain. It comes from an inner source that cannot be
taught. Think about the truly wonderful unforgettable people in
your life, the ones who touched your heart in a way that you
will never forget. They all have that mysterious something
within that shines outward like a beacon of light for the rest
of us. It can be an at-home mom who is strong happy and proud of
her choices. It can be a teacher that changes troubled teens
lives by igniting their self-confidence. It can be an employee
who truly loves the company, their job, and is a dynamic source
of positive office moral. It's a teenage boy who isn't afraid to
walk up to a group of fellow students and with a big beaming
smile, arms spread wide open ready for a hug from the girls, and
just say "Whaaaazzzzzuuuuup?!" in that ridiculous way that makes
them all laugh. It's a combination of their healthy self-esteem,
a feeling of purpose and direction, and a willingness to share
their love and light with everyone they meet. The combination is
magnetic and unforgettable.
Copyright 2005, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge