Top Seven Reasons NOT to Put Your Self-Esteem in Someone Else's
Hands
We've all heard wonderful heartwarming stories of the underdog
winning the day because someone else believed in them so much
that they were able to overcome their own self-doubt in order to
go the extra mile and succeed at some goal or dream they had
been putting off. Those stories are beautiful and inspirational,
however in reality they are also few and far between. I would
never advocate turning a cheerleader's love and support away,
but I do think you're foolish if you sit around waiting for
someone else to encourage, uplift, and inspire you towards your
greatest moments. The reasons why are as follows:
1. Most people are too self-obsessed. We often tell ourselves
that if only someone would notice how gifted we are, then we
would feel more confident about sharing those gifts. The fact
that nobody has noticed yet does not mean that you do not have
gifts, nor does it mean that the world would not benefit from
you sharing them. It just means that they are not paying
attention to the small less obvious details of what you are
capable of offering.
2. Most people are not properly trained in mental health
issues. If you are suffering from extremely low self-esteem,
most of the people in your immediate family and social circles
will not be equipped with the proper know-how needed to get you
to see what gifts you do have to offer. Sometimes it takes more
than a good friend or a self-help book to get you past whatever
traumas and dramas that caused you to lose your self-confidence
in the first place.
3. Misery loves company. Most of the time, you will find that
if you try to talk to someone about your low self-worth, they
will simply commiserate with you rather than get you to turn
your opinion of yourself around. The next thing you know, you
are both crying in your beer together about what losers you've
turned out to be. Once in awhile, both people will agree to
cheer each other on to higher levels of accomplishment, but not
usually.
4. Envy can cause people to try to hold others back. We all
know that those green eyes of jealousy turn up whether we like
it or not. There are plenty of insecure and less talented people
who would rather not see you succeed because then their own
failures become all too obvious to them. As long as you are just
some random nobody, then they can feel better about being a
random nobody too.
5. Control and domination is another factor that keeps people
from encouraging us. Many dysfunctional families will sabotage
each other in order to make sure that nobody breaks free from
the chains of hell that the family has agreed to. The more
abusive the family dynamic the more likely they are to do
whatever it takes to stop you from even recognizing your
talents. Unless you are going to get rich from your talent and
they are going to use you for your money, they often will not
encourage you whatsoever. If anything, they will hammer you with
more negativity than the situation warrants until they convince
you to give up altogether.
6. Assumed biases are often used to discount our cheerleaders'
belief in us. How many mothers have told their teenagers that
they were extremely talented only to have their encourage
ignored because it's assumed that the mother is simply
prejudiced and that her opinion doesn't really count? This is a
common event among close friends and family. We simply assume
that they are just saying nice things because they love us and
that they really don't mean it or they are not qualified to make
a proper assessment of our level of talent.
7. Passion is not as transferable as we would like it to be.
You can have an entire auditorium full of people clapping,
cheering, and stomping in excitement because they believe that
you are capable of putting on a great show to entertain them,
but that does not necessarily mean that their passion for your
music is going to register within your heart and soul. You may
simply feel that you are being pressured into something you are
not ready for. Somewhere deep down inside of you there has to be
the belief that yes you can do this otherwise all of the
cheerleaders in the world are not going to change the situation.
The truth is that as wonderful as our cheerleaders are, they
cannot give us self-esteem. It is called self-esteem, not
other-esteem, spouse-esteem, parental-esteem, or friend-esteem.
Nobody can hand it to you or tell you where to find it. You have
to build it, earn it, create it, and nurture it from somewhere
inside of yourself. A teacher handing a blue ribbon to a child
just for showing up is not going to give that child real
self-esteem and the same goes for adults. Regardless of your
age, gender, educational background or whatever, you will have
to start with baby steps and work your way up the esteem ladder.
With each little accomplishment, you add another layer of
can-do-attitude. Cheerleaders are a blessing but they are not
the real source of self-esteem.
If you know deep down in your soul that you have a hidden
undeveloped talent calling at your heart, then it's up to you to
bring that gift to the surface. You are the one who will have to
study, practice, and hone your craft. You are the one who will
have to face competitors, naysayers, and critics. You are the
one who has to climb and fight your way to the top of your
industry. You are the one who is making a name for yourself.
It's your gift, not theirs. It's your self-esteem, not theirs.
Don't give your personal power away and don't expect others to
simply hand it to you either.
Copyright 2005, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge