Embarrassed and Pure
And Joseph said to his brothers, "I am Joseph. Is my father
still alive?" but his brothers could not answer him because they
were shocked by his presence. (Bereishit 45:3) Rashi explains
they were shocked because of embarrassment.
True embarrassment has nothing to do with being embarrassed in
front of other people. Real embarrassment has to do with being
embarrassed in front of yourself because of your lowly character
and it is the greatest disposition one can have because it stems
from one's deepest purity.
Embarrassment comes when one sees clearly and absolutely that
they were wrong and offensive. This perception at its peak is at
the highest levels of repentance. Not only that, but this
painful experience can act as the punishment for the sin.
The Midrash Rabbah states: Woe to us for the day of judgment,
woe to us for the day of rebuke! Joseph was the youngest of the
tribal ancestors, yet his brethren could not withstand his
rebuke, as it says, "And his brethren could not answer him." How
much more then when the Holy One, blessed be He, comes and
rebukes each man according to his ways, as it says, But I will
reprove thee, and set the cause before thine eyes!
It appears that the Midrash is equating the day of judgment
(which means the punishment) with the day of rebuke. In other
words, when the rebuke is true and obvious the tremendous
embarrassment that it causes actually is the punishment. It also
says in Gemara Berachoth 12b, that if one commits a sin and is
ashamed of it, all his sins are forgiven.
When the brothers saw that Joseph was alive and ruling over
Egypt they understood that their judgment of him was a great sin.
How to Apply this principle:
Embarrassment can be used to help us grow. If you have a
particular negative action that you have a hard time
controlling, take five minutes a day and repeat to yourself "Its
wrong and it's immoral". Once you become clear to yourself that
"It's really wrong and it's really immoral" you will have a much
easier time being able to control yourself. Try it, it really
works!
This essay is based on the sefer Das Torah