The Role Self-Love Plays in Operating a Successful Business,
Part 1
When I first married, right before the ceremony, I said to
myself: "This is either the best thing I've ever done or the
worst." I had so many drugs and hallucinogenics running through
my blood stream, I couldn't think clearly.
Yet shortly after the marriage, a friend said to me: "You can
only love another to the extent you love yourself. If you don't
love yourself, you'll never be happy."
My ears heard her words but my heart heard nothing. Her pearls
of wisdom flew over my head, escaping into the ethers. They had
no chance to sink in, my low self-esteem made sure of that. It
took me more than twenty years to act upon her advice.
To be able to listen to your heart, to be able to live a happy
life, to be successful in business, you must be committed to
loving yourself and accepting yourself for who you are at this
present moment.
This article describes the crucial role self-love plays
in your life, in your happiness, in all your affairs. It is the
foundation to all successful transformation. You'll discover
that your self-love determines your worldview. Your self-love
interacts with every aspect of living, ultimately determining
your level of happiness at home, and as importantly, in your
business.
We're Operating with an Out-Dated Definition of Self-Love
The Encarta World English Dictionary makes a big mistake,
perhaps catastrophic, when they define self-love. Their
definition of self-love is "concern with only your own wishes
and desires." Further, there are no synonyms for
self-love.
Maybe this is why so many of us have such a difficult time
loving ourselves. Parents, church elders, teachers, educators,
people who train others all might be living with an unworkable
definition of self-love.
How useful is a definition that makes people feel guilty about
themselves by stressing "concern with only your own wishes?"
Your heart is always telling you what it needs to feel
satisfied, content, at peace. These messages have nothing to do
with the instant gratification needs we usually respond to that
are harmful and self-destructive.
Don't we have to trust our intuition when it comes to business?
How often do we follow our heart and get rewarded for making the
right business decision? Only people who love themselves enough
to trust their intuition get these rewards!
When you listen to your heart and follow the quiet messages it
sends, you feel a deep sense of peace.
Wholeness, balance, peacefulness were totally absent from my
early life. I spent the first thirty-nine years
self-destructing, seeking instant gratification through alcohol,
drugs, gambling, being a bulimic, stealing, excessive moving,
and starting and failing too many businesses to recall.
I remember vividly getting drunk at age twelve, falling
face-first on a tar driveway, then alternating between bedroom
and bathroom as I puked my guts out for four days.
Later in life, I would find myself staring at my reflection in
the toilet bowl through gobs of chocolate ice cream I had thrown
up after eating a gallon because stuffing my feelings seemed
easier than facing my fears.
It wasn't until I became totally desperate, in deep depression,
with excessively low self-esteem that I began listening more to
my heart's crying out than my mind's dictates.
When I began to make my life precious through daily doses of
self-love, I embarked on a life-long journey that has
transformed me. I now live a peaceful, heart- centered, rich and
rewarding inner and outer life full of simple pleasures. I can
honestly say I am happy and successful.
If I can change and live with no alcohol for twenty-two plus
years, drug-free for twenty-two plus years, no gambling or
stealing for twenty-five years, no bulimia for fifteen years,
and increasingly higher and higher self-love, so can you.
How to Leap Frog Life's Dung Heaps to Live with Healthy
Self-Esteem and Be Happy
People whose lives have significant meaning live with attitudes,
habits, and values that free them from letting fear rule. These
people consciously choose where they focus their attention,
whether it's in the thoughts they think, the actions they carry
out, or the energies they put into the world.
They have become what I call "thought warriors", no
longer being thought wimps. Daily they grace themselves with
gratefulness, patience, and persistence, while striving to
accept life's gifts.
Few of these high self-lovers had the good fortune of being
raised by parents who lived these patterns. Most have had to
reach deep down within themselves to make the changes necessary
for deepening self-love.
They work at maintaining the happiness, joy, and peace that
comes from loving themselves. They have learned that the effects
are cumulative, yet when they slack off, they quickly fall into
former states of low self-esteem, self-abuse, and depression.
However, the longer they journey, the quicker they return to
doing or being in ways that bring them to what their hearts most
yearn for.
For all of us, including me, it takes effort and commitment to
love ourselves. I've trained myself to incorporate new habits.
These strengthen my total self and give me the energy I need to
reach for the stars so I can live the life I have dreamed about.
The more fulfilled my heart, the more contentment dwells within
me. It is then easier to be grateful for life's "gifts" that
potentially can throw one into the dung. The dung is where low
self-esteemers hang, and once you escape this, it's painful to
return.
Can you see how loving yourself affects your interactions with
prospective customers?
Do you know that some of us can tell in less than 10 seconds how
you're feeling by your voice when you answer the phone?
Is it possible and wise to develop a long term business
relationship with someone who hasn't developed a long term
loving relationship with herself?
How Self-Love and Self-Esteem Relate
The relationship between self-love and self-esteem is crucial to
your well-being, happiness, and business success. Think of
self-love and self-esteem as cousins, brothers, uncles, best
friends, even husband and wife. Here's why.
When you love yourself, you take care of yourself and
your needs. You take responsibility for making your life
successful. You take care of your basic needs first. Then, if
you're motivated, you go after more of what your heart truly
wants.
Let's look at part of a definition of self-esteem by "the father
of the self-esteem movement" Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.
Self-esteem includes "confidence in your ability to think
and to cope with the basic challenges of life." (p. viii, The
Power of Self-Esteem).
The second half of his definition begins with "confidence in our
right to be happy." We become increasingly happier when
our needs are met, especially those of a higher nature, those
that satisfy soul and spirit.
Operating and running a successful business satisfy your soul
and spirit if you put love and service into your business. As we
deepen our self-love, we have more to give to others. Remember,
we can't give to another what we don't possess ourselves.
Yet, if self-love is so crucial to building a healthy
self-esteem and helping us to be happy, what prevents more of us
from deepening our self-love?
What keeps so many of us stuck in painful, hurtful, sad scenes
where happiness is merely a passing dream?
You'll find the answers in The Role Self-Love Plays in
Operating a Successful Business, Part 2!