I Hope Things Pick Up
"I hope things pick up. It'd be a shame for you to have to get a
real job."
As I heard these words come out of the mouth of a woman I had
regarded as a friend for over ten years, I felt my heart
collapse. Another word spoken, another relationship broken. I
had heard so many discounting things from her so many times
before. I'd tried to ignore them, thinking that surely she
couldn't mean those things. Certainly she honored the journey I
was on and the courage it was taking to move forward.
Didn't she know how difficult it was for me to leave the work
I'd been doing, to leave a situation that was unkind and
unloving, to embrace work and a life that I adored? Yes, it's
challenging and difficult sometimes. So many people admire the
strength and courage that I've shown. So many people are
championing me and cheering me on. So many people pick me up
every day with their support and loving kindness.
As I spoke about this with another friend, she asked me to look
into my heart when I thought of leaving my work and returning to
work for someone else. I did and my heart withered and died. She
knew it. I knew it. The challenges may be strong ones, but my
strength and the power behind me is stronger still. I have not
been brought this far to be dropped by my Higher Power and shown
all the love surrounding me to not expect that even more love
lies ahead.
And yet, these were unloving words from someone I had thought of
as a friend. The night before I had this conversation I had been
at a women's gathering where we were talking about needing to
leave people behind who don't support us or who make us feel bad
about ourselves when we're around them. It's essential that we
learn to "pick up" ourselves - sometimes to grow and sometimes
to go.
I learned that there are some people I need to leave behind.
There are some people I can't share myself with, even if I've
had a past with them and called them my friend.
I've learned it's my responsibility to let them go with love and
blessings for the lessons they've taught me, for the gifts
they've given me. I've learned that some people need me to play
small so that they can feel safe and secure in their own limited
lives. I've learned to let them go with the realization that I
don't need to repeat those lessons they were teaching me
anymore.
I've learned to pick myself up by forgiving them and having
compassion for them. I've learned to pick myself up by forgiving
myself and having compassion for myself, too. I've learned to
pick myself up with the right words and actions. I've learned to
pick myself up with endorsements, acknowledging my successes.
I've learned to pick myself up so I vibrate at a higher level
and naturally attract, with grace and ease, experiences of a
like vibration.
I've learned that I can choose to surround myself with people
who love and support me - people who see me and the vision I
choose to have of the world. I've learned that I can choose to
have a circle of friends who absolutely adore me and the gifts I
have to bring to the world. I've learned that I can celebrate
life and living every single day with these friends, opening
more and more to the feelings of joy!
I've learned that I deserve the very best in life. I've learned
to honor myself and to treat myself with respect and dignity.
I've learned that life is an amazing adventure. I choose to
leave this life knowing that I've danced every dance, sung every
song, written every story, loved and been loved deeply, and that
my heart is overflowing with the joys of this experience. I
choose to live my life without holding back. I choose to live
every day of my life knowing that I am truly blessed to be
alive.