Seven Tips in Planning a Fulfilling Holiday Experience
Copyright 2005 Willingness Works
Holidays can activate powerful emotional charges, calling forth
as much distress as joy. These "emotional charges" may be
connected with past memories or with wishes we have in the
present for ourselves, and those we love. This article reveals
practical strategies for creating a more fulfilling and less
stressful holiday experience, no matter which holiday it happens
to be: religious or cultural, or personal celebrations such as
birthdays and anniversaries of all kinds.
Holidays with strong emotional charges fall into two categories:
family-focused & romantically-oriented. Family-focused holidays
include Christmas for Christians, the High Holy Days and
Passover for Jews, Thanksgiving in the U.S. & Canada, and so
forth. Romantically-oriented holidays include New Years Eve,
Valentines Day and other holidays when we wish to have a partner
by our side, such as the office holiday party.
There are seven key dimensions to address in creating a
nourishing holiday experience for yourself and those with whom
you will be spending that holiday. They are:
1. CELEBRATIONS & PLAYFULNESS: Many holidays provide
opportunities for both children and adults to come out and play.
Consider what kinds of activities would add fun and celebration
to this holiday for you, and with whom. Some long-standing
traditions feel nourishing to continue and sometimes you'll want
to create new traditions. Examples of playful celebration for
holidays such as Christmas include parties, drives to the
country, playing in the snow, caroling, tree decorating,
attending concerts, etc.
2. SPIRITUAL EXPRESSION: Many holidays carry a deeper or more
sacred significance that we wish to honor in some way. Which
activities help you express your spiritual connection to this
holiday? Examples of spiritual expression include meditating,
prayer, attending services or rituals that are part of your
chosen religious or spiritual tradition, volunteering in a soup
kitchen or making other donations to charity, reading stories
about the origins of the holidays you're celebrating, etc.
3. REMEMBERING: Holidays tend to be particularly uncanny in
their ability to invite old memories and recent losses to our
awareness. We may find ourselves remembering pleasant and
painful holidays from our past. We may have experienced the
death or loss of someone important to us over the past year.
Others who are precious to us may be unable to be with us for
this holiday. Because these issues come to the surface during
the holidays, devote some time to honoring those people and
memories. Set aside time, alone or with others, to remember
those who you wish could be with you during this holiday and to
grieve or honor those who have died or left your life this past
year.
4. COMPLETING & LOOKING FORWARD: Some holidays, particularly
those occurring toward the end of the year, offer natural
opportunities to review the past year and set goals for the
next. What goal-setting rituals feel nourishing to you to do,
alone or with others? Examples of New Years rituals include
doing a year-end review, expressing gratitude you feel for what
you've learned over the past year, making amends with others,
setting goals for the coming year, and expressing wishes you
have for others and for the world in the coming year. Make plans
for creating this holiday in a happier and/or more fulfilling
way next year and forgiving yourself for what you didn't do this
year. Remember that changing holiday traditions takes time -
often years - to fine-tune!
5. GIVING & SPENDING: Many holidays are times of giving. This
means there is the danger of over-giving. Over-giving includes
spending too much money on gifts, too much energy cooking and
too much time with people you'd rather not be with. Giving
without regard to your own boundaries inevitably leads to
resentment and exhaustion. An "Over-Giving Prevention Plan" can
help: a commitment to giving out of love rather than giving out
of guilt. Find your limits based on the life energy you have
rather than "shoulds" or expectations. Pay attention not only to
total amounts of time and money but also to the amount of time
or money you can lovingly devote to a particular task, activity
or person without becoming resentful. What can you give and
spend, and with whom, without resentment? How much money can you
spend on gifts (or how much time can you spend making gifts) and
sending holiday cards, and for whom, without becoming resentful?
Allow yourself to get honest with yourself and live in alignment
with your boundaries and your integrity.
6. PERSONAL RE-CENTERING ACTIVITIES: Many holidays are preceded
by preparation, which means the danger of neglecting the
self-care activites that keep you centered and energized. Being
true to your personal boundaries can help you maintain your
self-care routines. This will help make any holiday more joyous.
Make specific self-care commitments to yourself ahead of time.
It's okay to take "time-outs" from the family or the hustle and
bustle. Going on regular walks (alone or with others you feel
particularly nourished to be with), checking in with
growth-oriented friends, going to support group meetings,
journal writing and meditation, and eating and sleeping well are
all part of a wonderful self-care plan. Which
self-care/re-centering activities will work for you?
7. PLANNING FOR GLITCHES: Most of us can reasonably predict
where the hurts or fights will arise surrounding any given
holiday, the varieties of distress that happen each year, and
with which people these will occur. Make a list ahead of time of
the types of incidents you anticipate could occur and the
specific new actions you are willing to take this year to take
better care of yourself when or if these circumstances arise.
I know from personal experience that these strategies really do
work to support joy and love during any holiday. I wish you a
nourishing holiday experience!