Does Fear Control Your Future?
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face...You must do
the thing you think you cannot do." --Eleanor Roosevelt,
1884-1962, Social Activist and Former First Lady.
Does fear stop you from striving for something you dream of
doing? For some people, fear paralyzes them into inaction and
appears as real as their reflection in the mirror. I'm here to
tell you that even that reflection isn't always reality.
When I talk to clients for the first time who dream of starting
their own business, the most prevailing emotion I hear, above
that of hope, is fear. This is extremely common. When asked
about their fears, they admit that they are afraid that they
will fail, that people will laugh at them, that they will not be
viewed as credible professionals worthy of attention. There is
another fear that can pop up, addressed later.
First, this is our own perception of what 'reality' is. Second,
what we DO with that fear can make the difference between a
career of our dreams or looking back at our lives with regrets.
Until we are real clear what it is we really want to do, it's
hard to envision it being real, and the unknown is a very scary
place. The clients who decide to work with me are the people who
have a desire for their dream that is stronger than their fear,
and they are able to allow themselves to take a chance; I have
never heard any of them complain that they had taken that chance.
All successful people in the world have suffered some failures.
Taking chances is a big part of entrepreneurship and leadership.
Many people think of success and wealth when the name Donald
Trump comes to mind, but it's important to remember that he has
suffered some great losses in taking chances, too. Athletes such
as Michael Jordan have taken as many missed shots as successful
ones, but people remember the ones he did make, not the missed
ones. All people known for their successes have taken chances
and also suffered some failures. The difference is those
failures didn't stop them from trying again. They had the
knowledge that they could do it and stepped out to prove it!
The very first step in starting the path towards that dream is
to set up goals. If you don't know where you're going, how do
you plan to get there? We wouldn't dream of driving to a
location without knowing how to get there; why would we assume
it's any different with a business or career plan?
What do you honestly believe you can do? Sure, everyone can have
doubts about what is possible for them. These beliefs, however,
are what will hold you back if you are sure, in your mind, that
you cannot accomplish your dreams. Often my clients start
working with me with strong doubts that they can really create a
thriving practice. However, by the end of our work together,
their beliefs in what they can do has totally changed and they
now know they can do anything they can imagine. In your list of
beliefs, if you find one you do not really want to believe,
focus on it. Write down what you want your belief to be, and
then plan strategies on how to change that belief within
yourself.
In the meantime, though, let's go back to a smaller goal, that
isn't as scary. Perhaps your big dream is to become a famous
author. You don't even know if you can write. So, a smaller goal
would be to start writing small, simple articles for online
article submission sites. Failure with this is not an option;
the sites will accept articles on any topics. Another idea, if
you dream of becoming a public speaker, is to offer to speak to
a local community group on a topic of interest to the public.
Once you have written down your goals, it will suddenly become a
little more real. It can take people a long time to even get
this much done, however. The fears are still real. If you still
struggle with this part, consider how lofty your goals are.
Perhaps they are too overwhelming because they are encompassing
too large a time period. So, if that is the case, create a goal
for just the next six months. Sure, ideally you want to look at
what you want to create in 5-10 years from now, but if that
holds you back, it's still okay to create a 6-month goal.
Another strategy that you can take is to verbally tell yourself
you have already accomplished your goals every morning. Wake up
and tell yourself you have a thrilling, thriving private
practice and just love going to work each day. Wake up and tell
yourself that you have the dream job of your life and can't
believe how lucky you are. The more you tell yourself what you
want to be real, the more likely you will create that reality.
All of us must clearly define what it is we love to do in order
to be successful at it. Without passion, we will not convey the
message to potential clients or employers that we are good at
what we do. Without enjoying the activity we have in mind, we
won't give it our all.
However, just writing down the goal and setting in your mind may
not be enough to propel you into action. As a good next step, to
ensure you stick with the plan, tell others about your
intention. All the clients I have worked with who have succeeded
were telling people about their dream before they even contacted
me. That showed intention. They had no doubt they would succeed.
There's the reality; it's in our mind. If we know something can
happen, it will happen.
As I progress with clients, though, there is another fear that
starts to show its ugly face. The fear of success. This is not
just a female trait; I have seen it in male clients, as well.
Men just don't talk about it as easily as women do.
Fear of success is just as paralyzing as fear of failure but may
show up later in the process of building the business. It may
even be more paralyzing, though, because these are deeper-held
beliefs. What if you accomplish all that you dream of but find
you still are not happy? What if you are more successful than
others who are so much smarter than you? Maybe you suspect that,
for some reason, you do not deserve this level of success. What
if you become someone you no longer like or that people will no
longer like you for who you are inside? What if your success
leads to the loss of those you love? What if the success
suddenly is gone, just when you start to enjoy how it feels?
Part of these fears have to do with lack of self-confidence and
doubt that have helped keep you in your comfort zone for years.
It's the creation of the self-fulfilling prophecy that 'I can
never really make it big'. These fears show up through sudden
lack of organization, indecision, procrastination and lack of
motivation. However, just becoming aware of this fear can help
resolve it because then you can create a strategy to address and
resolve these issues.
As with ways to address fear of failure, there are also
effective strategies to help work through fears of success:
Visualizing what your life will look like when you achieve
these goals of success will help keep things in perspective.
Never allowing yourself to be ok with excuses will force you
to face your fears.
Continue to monitor your level of commitment and motivation
to reach your goals.
When you achieve a milestone in working towards your goals,
it's important that you acknowledge those successes you have
achieved. There may be others who you can acknowledge in your
journey, too, thus being sure to include those who are important
in your life and business along the way.
Be sure to continually request those in your life to
continually give you honest, open, candid feedback when they see
you backsliding or self-destructing. Learn how to honestly
accept compliments and recognition from others, too,
however.
It is important that creating this new dream encompasses all
aspects of happiness in your life and has not been created as a
way to escape something else in your life.
In 1996, it didn't even dawn on me to be fearful of starting my
own small business. Sure, I wondered if it would be successful
and if I would meet my initial business goals, but I also knew
that there was no other option for me to choose; it was just the
right thing for me at that moment. My initial goal was achieved
in 1.5 years and I have never looked back, since. I just looked
forward, towards the possibilities I know are always there,
available for the asking.
When you allow fear to control who you will become and what you
will do with your career, you will eventually look back at your
life with regrets. We live for such a short period of time on
this planet that it's a shame if we don't strive for the things
we dream of doing. If there is anything in your life that you
have dreamed of doing, but have still not made an attempt, I
challenge you to consider stepping outside of your comfort zone
and make that dream a reality. Sometimes doing this in just
little ways can help you set the stage for bigger things in the
future. Allow your fear of NOT doing it become a higher priority
than the fear of trying and failing.