3 Keys to Boosting Your Inner Confidence
I've been coaching for a few years now, and the biggest thing
I've learnt - both for me and for my clients - is that inner
confidence is the key to it all.
There are all kinds of strategies, ways of thinking, patterns of
behaviour and practical tips for improving your life and feeling
better about yourself, but they're all redundant if the
foundation isn't there. That foundation is the real you, the you
that you know deep down you are. The trick is that it takes
confidence to find that and to bring out who you are - here are
the three keys to real inner confidence.
1. Get To Know Your Values
Personal values are a big passion of mine and I often get
carried away with myself when I talk about them. I make no
apology for that though - they're one of the most important
things you can know about yourself and are vital in getting
genuine inner confidence. Your values are ten thousand feet down
inside you, right at the very core of who you are, and they're
the building blocks, the foundations and cornerstones for you. A
value is something in yourself, in others or in the world that's
most important to you, and could include things like respect,
progress, family, fun, nature, achievement or freedom.
Why is it that some people and situations leave you feeling
angry, frustrated, demotivated or deflated? It's because one or
more of your values is being denied, suppressed or repressed -
and we experience that as a negative experience because it's
denying a fundamental piece of who you are. You know those times
when you've felt really alive, amazing or buzzing? Those are the
times when one or more of your values are being honoured, and
you can get more of that by living according to them.
Your values are all yours, and no matter what happens nobody can
ever take them away. You can have absolute confidence in them
because they're there all the time just waiting for you to
notice them and use them. When you get to know your values you
can start to make choices and align your life around them - it's
so simple and it feels amazing because all that really means is
that you're allowing who you are to live in the real world.
2. Trust Yourself
People spend too much time looking for signs that they're doing
the right thing or on the right path. Sometimes we get that by
hearing that we're doing well at work, sometimes it could be
encouragement from a friend or loved one, and sometimes we get
that feedback by seeing our material wealth or possessions
growing.
But rather than looking on the outside for those signs, how
about looking on the inside at what you're telling yourself? How
about trusting yourself to do the best thing and make great
choices? How about trusting your own insights and using your own
intuition? I've seen those ideas scare the bejeezus out of
people and you know why? Because it makes you accountable and
responsible for what you get. If you trust yourself implicitly
and you make the wrong choice you've got nobody else to blame.
But the fact is that we all make mistakes and we'll all continue
to make mistakes. So how would it be if you could trust yourself
to get through anything and trust yourself to continue making
choices that serve you well - even if sometimes you screw up?
That's the kind of trust I'm talking about, and that's genuine
inner confidence.
Start by listening to yourself and noticing what your intuition
is telling you. Be aware of that little voice inside you or
those gut reactions you get and pay attention to what they're
telling you. Trust yourself to make decisions, trust yourself to
adapt and trust that you're good enough to have, do or be
whatever you want. True confidence will follow.
3. Exercise the Muscle
Confidence is a muscle, and like any muscle you need to exercise
it so that it doesn't shrink and waste away. The problem is that
unlike your biceps or glutes, which tend to stay in the same
place, your confidence muscle can be harder to find. How do you
develop your biceps or firm up your glutes? By doing exercises
that are designed to work that muscle over a period of time
until you see the results you were looking for.
It's just the same with confidence. Let's say that you're the
kind of person that doesn't take many risks. The kind of person
who goes through each day doing what needs to be done and doing
it well, but not really stretching yourself. You might talk
yourself out of doing something because it's too scary or
because you think to yourself 'I'm not good enough', 'that's not
who I am' or 'I don't really want it anyway'. That kind of
person lives within what they know and what keeps them safe and
comfortable. The fewer risks they take, the less confident they
need to be and so the less confident they become.
To work your confidence muscle you need to be prepared to take
risks - big or small. You need to be willing to stretch yourself
in an unfamiliar direction, to try something new or try
something in a slightly different way. You need to open yourself
up to the possibilities around you and push yourself to increase
what you know, what you do and who you are. The more open you
are to risk, opportunity and possibility the more confident you
need to be, and so the more confidence you'll develop. That's
your confidence muscle - the question is, what are you going to
do to exercise it?