How to Change Anything: The Chain Reaction of Action
You know what really gets me fuming? People in queues who start
to dawdle around once they get to the head of the queue, not
really knowing what they want, what they're there for or what to
do next. I mean, why are they in queue if they're not ready to
be served or don't know what they're doing? And of course all
the while they're holding the rest of the queue up while they
figure it out. I'm sure I'm not alone!
Actually, that's a bit of a fib - those situations used to
really get me going but I handle them much better now, mainly
because of what I call the 'Chain Reaction of Action' - an
incredibly simple and powerful way to change anything for the
better. Not bad huh? It's based on the idea of cause and
effect - someone dawdles around at the head of the queue and we
get angry. That's simple cause and effect and it looks like this
-
Cause >> Effect
This is how we tend to think things work in the world. Things
happen to us and all of those external events are the cause;
our mood and our success or failure is the effect. Sounds
pretty simple, and it would be if it wasn't for the fact that
there's more to it than that. How about we add something into
the mix -
Cause >> Reaction >> Effect
Now we've got an external cause that brings out a natural or
automatic reaction which determines the effect. Our reaction
to what happens to us leads to the ultimate effect on ourselves,
others and the world. Using my example of being held up in a
queue, it looks like this,
Cause - Someone dawdles at the head of a queue >>
Reaction - A sudden surge of anger and frustration
>>
Effect - I feel stressed, angry and put out and express
that during the rest of my day
Reacting with a surge of anger or frustration will lead to
increased stress lasting a few minutes or even hours, and it's
highly likely that it will leak out into my behaviour and that
others will pick up on it. But what if that's not what I want to
happen? What happens if the ultimate effect isn't what we wanted
before the cause took place? What if we're looking to achieve a
different effect, a different outcome or to have more say in
what we experience?
The good news is that it is possible to change the effect of
what happens, and it's about making the right change in the
right place. Directly changing the external cause might work
sometimes, but things happen all the time in life and often
there's very little we can do to control everything that happens
to us. Directly changing the ultimate effect of what happens
just isn't possible - it's purely the result of everything
that's gone before it and so can't be changed directly. Changing
the original cause or the ultimate effect seems to require
God-like omnipresence and the ability to control everything
instantly. I don't know about you but that's a little out of my
reach.
So if we can't directly change the cause or effect, it makes
sense to take a closer look at our reaction, which can be broken
down into three parts -
Reaction = Emotion >> Choice >> Action
Our reaction to something is made up from the emotion that
we feel, followed by a choice and then an action. In my
example it goes like this -
Emotion - Anger & frustration >>
Choice - Let the anger take over >>
Action - Let anger leak out into my thinking and
behaviour We can't change the emotion we feel - we're
human beings and feel different emotions all the time. Trying to
change, suppress or deny them is generally fraught with
difficulty and only spells trouble - ask any therapist. The
place where we have most power is in the choice we make based on
the emotion we feel - and this is where the magic happens.
There's a gap between what we feel and how we act - that gap
is the choice we make and that gap is where anything can
happen. Deliberately stopping, pausing or interrupting
yourself between the emotion and the action to make a conscious
choice is where you become - to use Obi-Wan Kenobi's famous
words from Star Wars - more powerful than you could possibly
imagine. So the full chain reaction of action looks like this -
Cause >> Emotion >> Choice >> Action >> Effect
Get to know this chain reaction and how it works for you, and
know that you can make choices at any time. Be aware of that
gap between emotion and action - the gap where your choice lies
- and make a conscious choice that has the kind of effect you'd
like to see. Use that gap to ask yourself, 'What's a choice
I can make that will serve me well?', 'How would I like to be
treated here?' and 'What's a positive, proactive response I can
make?'
Let's take another look at my example in light of this -
Cause - Someone dawdles at the head of a queue
>> Emotion - Anger & frustration
>> Choice - Take a deep breath and stop
myself from reacting just now. Accept that I've done exactly the
same thing before now, realise that everyone has off-days, that
they certainly didn't come here with the sole aim of upsetting
me and that I wouldn't want someone cursing at me under their
breath >>
Action - Smile to others in the queue, say 'No problem at
all' when the person at the head of the queue awkwardly
apologises, let them know it's okay and maybe turn it into a
funny situation >>
Effect - The person at the head of the queue leaves
feeling better about the situation and won't carry any bad
feelings into the rest of their day, others in line smile and
realise it's no big deal, I feel the anger and tension slip away.
The chain reaction of action can be applied everywhere in your
life. If you have an argument with your partner, if your boss
treats you harshly, if you feel you're being taken for granted
by someone, if someone cuts you up in traffic or if you feel
frustrated because someone doesn't understand what you're
saying, you can use this technique to have a different effect
and change things for the better.
Once you're aware of this process you can begin to interrupt
your 'automatic' reactions and allow yourself to make conscious
and deliberate choices, and you'll find that your path
through life becomes simpler, more fulfilling and more
satisfying.
Want to change your world for the better? Look at your chain
reaction of action and get ready for the good stuff!