Effectively Dealing with Sadness
No one ever has a problem dealing with happiness or feeling
good. When joy comes into our life we experience it freely, but
when sadness or grief is present, we often struggle with them.
This is especially true during the holidays when we are expected
to be cheerful and have fun. We live in a culture that tells us
to "put on a happy face" and this can make it very difficult to
be comfortable with sadness. Yet sadness and grief are a normal
part of everyone's life. Whether they are caused by a major loss
such as the death of a loved one, or smaller everyday setbacks,
we can learn to live with them with greater ease.
Not only can we become more at ease with these feelings, it is
vital to our health and well-being that we handle them in a
healthy way. The risks of not dealing effectively with emotions
became evident when a neighbor of ours lost his wife to illness
several years ago. When I offered my sympathy, he quickly denied
that he had any feelings about it. Within a week he had disposed
of all of her belongings and basically stated that everything to
do with her illness and death were over and done. Not
surprisingly, his health has declined steadily since then. He
has told me of one complaint after another. At first no cause
was found for his symptoms, but as time went on, real physical
problems have developed (all of which are known to be
stress-related).
Of course, this is an extreme example, but it illustrates the
importance of how we deal with our emotions. It's well worth the
effort to explore how you handle these feelings, and learn new
skills. This article focuses on how to deal with the emotion of
sadness. Part 2 will explore grief, which involves a whole array
of emotions and experiences that are caused by a major loss,
such as the death of a loved one.
Holistic approaches to health have long realized the role that
our emotions play in our health, and modern medicine is now
taking this more and more into account. For a healthy emotional
life, we need to honor all of our emotions and allow them room
for expression. When sadness comes, we need to allow ourselves
to feel it fully. It helps to understand that it is a normal,
natural reaction to loss, and not an indication that there is
something wrong with us.
Any loss can trigger sadness -- it might even accompany a
beautiful sunset that signals the end of the day. We might not
always know what makes us feel sad -- it could even be a shift
in our body chemistry with its changing hormones, blood sugar
levels, etc. It helps to let go of the need to understand all of
our emotional reactions or to feel that we have to be able to
justify them. What is important is that we not resist or
suppress our emotions. Allowed to be present, the emotion will
simply "pass through".
In addition to accepting our sadness as a normal part of life,
and allowing it to be present, there are some other ways we can
help ourselves through sad times:
1. Share what we are feeling with a trusted friend or family
member, in particular someone who can listen without judging us
or trying to change us. The simple experience of being
"accompanied" with our feelings can be comforting.
2. Take time to do something that is nourishing and soothing to
you. Take a leisurely walk, get a massage, curl up with a good
book, do gardening or other favorite hobby.
3. Find a way to slow down and relax. This will allow the
feelings to be released. Meditate, listen to some relaxing
music, do some simple stretches.
4. Write in a journal or diary. When we do this, it feels as if
we have an ideal listener with whom we can confide. Expressing
and exploring your feelings in this way can bring perspective
and comfort.
5. Learn to be your own best friend. Step back and view yourself
with compassion and love. Notice if you are judging yourself
harshly ("you should be over this by now"), and find sympathy
for yourself instead.
When to Get Professional Help
Sadness which is intense and long-lasting may be depression.
Depressed individuals tend to feel helpless and hopeless and to
blame themselves for having these feelings. If feelings of
extreme sadness or despair last for at least two weeks or longer
and interfere with activities of daily living -- such as
working, or even eating and sleeping -- it is advisable to seek
professional help. If accompanied by thoughts of death or
suicide, seek help immediately.