Free Tips To Improve Self Confidence
1. DRUNK!
At the age of sixteen I was invited out for the evening on a
Saturday night to celebrate a friend's birthday. This for most
people would be something to look forward to, for me it was
something to dread. Socialising and ordering drinks for somebody
who has a stutter is bad enough, but I regularly seemed to bare
the brunt of the evening's jokes about me height, weight and
occasionally my bald patch. Even though my friend's were not
doing this to be cruel, I was very paranoid about myself at that
age and this banter would hurt.
I had often been out for evenings where I drank alcohol, however
up to this point had never been drunk. On this particular night
the drink flowed and before long I found myself a little worse
for ware. The results of which would later change my life.
I found myself talking to lots of different people, some of
which I did not know, even girls! My whole character and
personality started to change, I was telling jokes and when
someone made a comment about my weight for example, I laughed
and even came back with a derogatory comment about him, joining
in the banter and seemingly enjoying it.
My attitude changed, for example instead of thinking that a
certain girl might not want me because of my weight, stutter or
height, I thought to myself, she will want me, I'm a good person
and could make her laugh. My whole outlook was far more positive
and my confidence was buzzing. It was a superb and very
enjoyable night.
The next morning I awoke not feeling the best with a bad
hangover. One of the highlights of the previous night was that I
had been given a phone number from one of the girls I had met. I
told her that I would phone her to arrange a date, however I was
now sober, back to my normal self and no did not have the
confidence to ring. This girl thinks I am fluent, how would she
react if I stutter, I wondered.
I went to bed most disappointed with myself but started to
analyse the differences between when I had been drunk to when I
was sober. The conclusion was obvious, when drunk I can talk, I
don't care about my weight, lack of height etc. When sober I
have a lack of confidence and am paranoid about certain aspects
about my person. I knew that I could not be drunk 24/7 and that
what I needed to do was to become a harder person, less paranoid
etc. I had to be mentally drunk all of the time without being
physically drunk. I knew this would be hard to achieve but in
the future possibly when I was older would be a must.
This attitude is hard to achieve, however using some of the
following methods became a reality for me a number of years
later.
2. YOU HAVE TO START TO LIKE YOURSELF!
At the age of twenty-two I decided to as already stated deal
with and try to overcome some of the issues in my life. I
started to read various books, like mind over matter and
positive thinking type books.
In one such book it had a line which read:
"You need to start to like yourself"
I put the book down and starting to think and realised that I
didn't actually like myself. I hated being overweight, shorter
than average, having a bald patch and especially having a speech
impediment.
I carried on reading and it went on to say:
"There are various things about one's self which even though we
don't like we are unable to change, therefore we have to accept
them. Other aspects we can change therefore we have to work
extremely hard with determination to eradicate them.
Once again I put the book down and thought about this. Firstly
my height, am I ever going to grow any taller? The answer is no,
there is nothing I can do to increase my height at the age of
twenty-two therefore I have to accept it. From reading more of
the book later I realised that I was being over-sensitive about
this and some of my other issues. There are a lot of people out
there a lot worse off than I am. Does my current height hurt me
in anyway or affect my life in any major negative way, again the
answer is no.
Secondly, the bald area on my head. As with the above hair is
not going to start growing in that area of my scalp, I have had
the bald patch since birth and therefore have to accept the fact
and even try to like it.
Then there is my weight. This is something that I could change,
therefore I have to work hard to lose the weight. I have to
accept certain sacrifices; such as to eat less fatty foods and
be disciplined to reach my target weight, however long it might
take.
Finally there is my speech impediment. I had had a stutter since
the age of four and for me this was the most important of all of
my issues. I was not sure if I would be able to achieve fluency,
however in my mind believed I could. If I can talk when I am
drunk I should be able to talk when I am fluent. I was not going
to accept having a stutter for the rest of my life until I had
worked hard to eradicate it. Work hard I did and eventually I
overcome this major issue in my life.
I advise people that the above were my own personal issues and
that each individual has to identify there own. It is then a
case of accepting the issues which can not be changed and
working hard to overcome the ones that can.
3. ATTITUDE
I was somebody who wanted to be like by everybody. If anybody
criticised me or called me names, I would easily be offended and
my confidence would drop. As an example from the age of about
seventeen I would go out with my friends most Friday and
Saturday nights to public houses and sometimes to a night club.
I remember one Saturday morning, aged about eighteen, waking up
feeling quite ill, very hung over. I had consumed far too much
alcohol on the previous evening. I looked in my wallet and had
also spent far too much money. I decided that I would stay in on
the Saturday night, just for a change. During the afternoon I
had a phone call from a friend called Phil. He asked me where we
going that night. After telling him that I was not going out, he
called me boring on numerous occasions, offering to lend me
money, saying that I had changed etc. I didn't want him to think
of me in this way however stuck to my guns, eventually he put
the phone down on me in a mood. Within a few minutes another
friend phoned asking why I was not going out, also calling me
various names including boring. I ended up going out.
At this age I did not have enough respect for myself, I was too
concerned what people thought of me and was easily persuaded
into doing things and going places that I in didn't want to.
After reading some of the books as mentioned above I realised
this and asked myself a question:
"Am I boring"
I have lots of interests, theatre, cinema, eating out, chess,
football, snooker, golf, horse racing, tennis, music to name a
few. By this age I was becoming bored of going out drinking
alcohol. I decided to be strong and stated to my friends that I
was now only going out drinking once a month. Originally, every
Friday and Saturday night people would phone asking me if I was
going out, if I declined I was criticised, your so boring for
example. My new found attitude, though hard at first to adopt
and follow through meant that I didn't really care and I
certainly didn't bow to pressure.
One particular friend, Phil, was particularly verbally
aggressive and demanding, calling me different names. He was
seemingly in shock that someone was standing up to him. On one
afternoon I fought back and said to him:
"Whatever you say, whatever you call me, I am not going out
tonight, however I will go out with you on Tuesday night if you
want to"
He agreed to this so I asked him if he wanted a game of snooker,
or golf, or a trip to the cinema or theatre. He thought all of
these options were "boring". I mentioned other interests of mine
such as chess, again all of the options I mentioned he didn't
find interesting. I said to him:
"OK, where would you like to go?" "What about the pub for a few
beers?"
I laughed at Phil and said:
"I'm sorry mate you're the one who is boring not me".
I then put the phone down on him for a change.
My attitude was beginning to change for the better. I was
becoming harder and stronger mentally. A few years later I met
my present fiancee and I soon realised I was a long way off the
level I wanted to be. Her name is Sharron and a couple of weeks
after we had met she invited me to a night out with some of her
friends who she said wanted to meet me. I knew I had to go even
though in reality it was the last thing I wanted to do. I was
worried what her friends might think of me etc. I did attend and
managed to cope, however I was very quiet, felt uncomfortable
throughout the evening and felt very nervous. I was glad to get
back to the safety of my own home! A couple of weeks later I was
invited to meet her parents and immediately I had the same
feelings as above and the night passed in a similar way with me
having a distinct lack of confidence etc.
About a month later Sharron agreed to accompany me to a wedding
in Birmingham where I was born. On this day she would meet most
of my friends and family for the first time. As we were driving
on the motorway I thought she must be a bit nervous. I asked her
if she was OK and if she was slightly nervous. She replied:
"What have I got to be nervous about?" "Well your meeting my
family and friends later. Are you not concerned what they will
think of you?" "Steve, I don't care what they think of me. It's
what you think that counts and I know you like me!"
This was not a front she was putting on. Suddenly I realised how
far I was away from the attitude to life and attitude to people
I wanted to have. Sharron has helped me to reach that level.
Being around positive people at this stage was very beneficial
to me.