Christmas and the Single Person
Did you know that more than 47% of US households are headed by
unmarried individuals? The American Association for Single
People projects this figure will continue to rise in the coming
decade. Therefore, if you are single you are not alone. And ...
if you have single adults in your social circle, don't assume
alone means "lonely."
As Christmas approaches and we start making holiday plans, here
are some things to keep in mind.
Perception: That it's terrible to be alone for the holidays.
Reality: This is mostly a projection of married people who fear
the unknown or could not tolerate being alone before they were
married. The reality is that single people who observe what goes
on at holiday get-togethers between couples, 50% of whom are
destined to be divorced at some point, think there are worse
things than being single.
Perception: That single people are desperate to be invited over
for Christmas dinner. Reality: Single people have myriad options
and no one to consult. I can go on a cruise, stay home in my
bathrobe and declare it a non-holiday, do meaningful volunteer
work at the homeless shelter, invite friends over, or get a
dinner reservation at a hotel. Or I can accept any one of the
numerous invitations I get. Contrary to what you might think, we
single people are popular at the holidays. Most of us have
accomplished social skills and are welcome additions at holiday
gatherings
Perception: Single people don't know what to do for holidays.
Reality: We're used to planning our social lives actively, good
at generating options, used to making unilateral decisions, and
accomplished "mixers." We're pros!
Perception: Anyone who's single is fair-game to perform certain
social tasks during the holiday celebration. Reality: We like to
be cherished guests, just like everyone else. "Can you come for
Christmas dinner. I need some help with Aunt Edna?" is not an
invitation. If your family doesn't get along and you're inviting
the single person to "throw a steer in with the bulls," that's
not nice either. It's your problem; solve it yourself.
Perception: Single people are available to do certain physical
tasks. Reality: This isn't an invitation either: "Can you come
over early and help out in the kitchen. I've got my hands full."
What about her husband? Her sisters? As best-friend, yes; as the
only working-guest, absolutely not.
Perception: That the only "happy" way to spend the holidays is
if you are a couple or part of a family. Reality: If that were
so, half the articles on the Internet this time of year wouldn't
be about how to cope with family at the annual holiday
get-togethers.
Perception: That single people are miserable during the
holidays. Reality: Yes, it can be difficult if it's their first
Christmas after a divorce or after a spouse has died, but the
majority of single people are no more miserable than anyone
else, and perhaps less so. Since being single (with grown
children), I've had the same levels of pleasure, the same good
and better holidays, but there's one thing for sure - I'm more
rested, and that in itself goes a long way.
So if you're thinking about including a single person in your
family gathering, make sure it's because you want them there,
not to fulfill a function or because you think they'd be
miserable if it weren't for your invitation. A guest is a guest,
whether they're single or married, and good manners prevail.
Check out the Singles for the Holidays blog for more ideas and
add your comments and suggestions: www.susandunn.blogspot.com .
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