Fear Of The Unknown And How You Can Defeat It
In most people there is a deeply seated fear that prevents us
from taking control of our lives and shaping them to suit us. It
is a fear that keeps us average, keeps us doing all the same
things everybody else is doing, simply because it is the
familiar thing to do.
The fear of the unknown.
You probably know that exact feeling I'm talking about. That
flutter in your stomach, that vague discomfort when you get
close to the edge of familiarity, that warning in your head that
can be so easily misinterpreted as a valid red flag. You know
what I mean.
There are parts of our minds and natures that have a single
purpose: To keep us safe. These parts are trained throughout our
lives to discern between what is okay, and what is dangerous.
When you accidentally touched the hot stove burner or iron as a
child, that safety center learned from that. When you strayed
too far from your parents and they called you back with that
tone of worry and fear in their voices, that safety center in
your head heard it and learned. Unfortunately, most people's
safety centers have gone a little too far in their learning. The
lesson you probably internalized was "if it is unfamiliar, it
could be dangerous. Only trust the things you know."
The result of this, is that when you get too close to the edge
of what's familiar, your brain sends off all the same warning
signals and red flags that it would if you absentmindedly got
too close to the hot stove. It's there to protect you, but it
also is keeping you fenced into a safe little circle away from
opportunity and growth.
What can you do about this?
Some people can break through this fence, ignore the warning
signals, and seek new opportunities. There is a rush associated
with this behavior that beats any drug. It's precisely that
feeling of danger that provides the rush. Unfortunately, most of
us can't bring ourselves to fling ourselves headlong through the
fence (or at least not very often), so is there an alternative
for the rest of us chickens out here who are not happy in the
fence, but not impulsive enough to throw caution to the wind?
Yes. We have to make the unfamiliar feel familiar.
That may sound strange, but it is very possible. It takes no
money, no special skills, just a few minutes each day. The only
thing you need for this simple technique is your imagination.
Sit down somewhere quiet for a few minutes (if you have
rambunctious children or a crazy schedule, you might have to do
this in bed each evening or even when you have a few minutes to
yourself in the bathroom). Close your eyes and think about the
thing that has been scaring you. Don't worry about the fear of
even thinking about it. In the privacy of your imagination, you
are totally safe. Imagine step by step, doing the activity that
has been giving you the flutters. At each step, stop and ask
yourself what could go wrong at that point, how likely that
really is, and what you can do to avoid the problems. What you
are doing is looking around for the monsters outside the fence
and seeing if there really is any danger to worry about. Once
that is done, you can imagine yourself doing the steps to your
goal, visualizing in vivid detail each bit as if you were
actually doing it.
The results of this technique is that you can do something over
and over again as many times as you need to until it becomes so
familiar that there is no fear involved. What you are doing is
essentially extending the fence to include wherever you want to
go. This is something you can do again and again, making the
fence bigger and bigger to include anyplace you wish. The
biggest benefit is that rather than throwing yourself headlong
through the fence and then possibly discovering all those
problem and "monsters" that you mind had been warning you were
there, once you have already committed yourself, instead you get
to scope out the terrain bit by bit, and by the time you meet an
obstacle, you generally saw it coming and already know what to
do about it.
There are some people out there who have no fear of the unknown,
and who can simply decide logically what they want to do and do
it (I know, my mother is one of those people), but for the rest
of us, this little technique can take the fear and trepidation
out of the unfamiliar. Give it a try, I'll think you will like
the results.