Relationship Breakup Demystified
If you're like most adults, once upon a time you were in a
relationship, felt you were in love, and thought you had found
the right mate. Then you were disappointed with a breakup,
perhaps so painful it left you scarred for months and in some
cases even years. Well, I hate to break it to you, but if your
current love relationship is not working, chances are that
breaking up may be the way to a successful relationship and a
new life.
This article does not invite men and women to leave their
relationship. It is intended to explain one of the reasons why
relationships fail. I hope you will take away knowledge you can
use to ensure the success of your own love relationships. As a
case study, let me relate the story of Jack and Jill.
Late in 2003 while Jack, a well-to-do accountant, was out
shopping, his eyes caught a woman. She was very pleasing to the
eye. Jack spoke to the woman and soon the two began dating. They
were so happy from the start that they thought they were
soulmates.
About two weeks into their dating, things had changed. They were
now in a love relationship. Jack introduced his new-found love
Jill to his son and Jill introduced Jack to her own family. Both
Jack and Jill were single parents each with two children. Things
seem to be moving along well for them. By this time, it was not
uncommon for Jack to take Jill shopping, give her his credit
card and watch her spend, spend and spend. Jill loved it. In her
mind, she had found the perfect man. He was good-looking,
academically educated, had a beautiful five-bedroom house and
was financially secure.
As the relationship progressed to another stage, Jack was so
happy with his new woman, he suggested marriage. Jill asked that
Jack give her some time to think about his offer. Jill's reason
for not going along with Jack's suggestion right away was she
wanted to take it slow for the sake of her children. She wanted
to make sure she was making the right decision for everyone
involved.
Despite the happiness friends and family felt for Jack and Jill
as their relationship progressed, deep inside Jill felt there
was something amiss. Jill began to ponder their relationship
with an objective frame of mind. She analyzed it and realized
Jack was not treating her very well. All along she had been
blinded by the fact that she had found a man. As far as Jack was
concerned, everything was perfect. He was more than happy with
the way Jill treated and took care of him.
About seven months into their relationship, Jill decided to end
it. Jack could not understand. He became offended and accused
Jill of being cold and unloving. Jill became very frustrated and
called me. The obvious answer I gave to Jill was, "Jack's remark
is really about him and not you, Jill. He wants you and if he
cannot have you, then to him it means you are cold." I
continued, "If the relationship is not working, as you tell me,
it is your right to set him free so that you both can find your
true mates."
Jill vented and when she was done, she felt better. About four
months after their breakup, I asked Jill what had become of
Jack. Jill informed me that Jack had found another woman who was
more his age. The new woman had moved into Jack's home and they
planned to get married. Jill proceeded to say, "You should see
them in church on Sundays. Everybody says they look so good
together. I can see how happy he has become. I can feel they are
right for each other."
When Jill said that to me, my response was: "Don't you feel good
that you let him go when you realized the relationship was not
working? Because you set him free, now he has found a woman he
is very happy with." She agreed that the breakup had led to
something better for both of them.
Relationship breakup is and can be painful depending on what a
person has invested in the relationship. It is even more hurtful
if you are expecting a future, such as marriage, but come up
short. The most important thing to understand is that
relationships break up for several reasons. The above story
shows only one way that breakup can be the best thing for you.
Anger, insults, and seeking revenge simply make matters worse,
as these retaliatory feelings keep eating at your core.
When your relationship ends, you must do what needs to be done
to forgive yourself and the other person. I know too many cases
where people become so bitter that they form a negative opinion
of the opposite sex. These feelings will then manifest
themselves in conversation with friends. Soon friends begin to
feel emotionally drained with all the negative talk and begin to
avoid the person who is doing the negative talk. There are many
cases where people take their bitter experience into a new
relationship and end up losing that new lover because of their
negative talk.
When your relationship fails, the most important thing to do is
accept what has happened. Try to understand why it did not work
out. Consider the consequences of what may happen to you
emotionally if you resort to anger. Usually after a breakup, you
may find yourself missing the other person and want to go back
to them. It is very important to be strong, as you will almost
certainly have feelings of wanting to return and reignite the
relationship. If your relationship breaks up, it can be because
your soulmate is just around the corner and in order for you and
your soulmate to connect, you must become single, thus allowing
your soulmate to come into your life. A breakup can also mean
that you have been hurt too many times in the relationship,
taken advantage off, lied to, cheated on, and so forth, and that
your soul cannot take it any more and needs to get away.
Forgive yourself and others. The power of forgiveness is one of
the most powerful ways of achieving inner peace. Forgiveness
will help you feel good about yourself. It will give you courage
you thought you never had and lead you into the arms of your
true mate.