The Doer's Guide To Being
Nothing is working, what should I do? Have you ever had that
unsettling thought? What happens when you wake up and nothing
seems to be working in your life? There is no immediate crisis,
but you feel "out-of-step." Now, because you are a "doer", you
will begin to take a mental inventory of your relationships,
job, family and personal life. You will be checking to see what
has changed. What has caused the life that was fine yesterday,
to look unappealing today? Your mind is racing, your pulse is
rising and you begin to make a list. "This will solve the
problem," you tell yourself in between fits of scribbles. "If I
take action, and do more, the noise in my mind will stop. If I
make a list and then check off the items one by one, I will be
satisfied. I will be happy. As a Life Coach, I am a great
believer in taking action to move forward in life. In fact, I
would say that action is one of the most powerful tools that
human beings have to change their experience of life. Action is
the root of progress. There is nothing more powerful than an
intention rooted in a personal desire, combined with actions
taken in line with that intention. However, there are times when
action is not only a tool in our toolbox that we use to achieve
our goals. Action becomes the goal in and of itself. In that
case, we are not taking actions. Instead, actions are taking us
where we don't want to go. Too much action for the sake of
"doing," can result in fatigue and disillusionment. The problem
that we are having may not be in the realm of doing, the problem
may be the microscope through which we view our lives. Are we
focusing too closely on each detail? Perhaps the lens is a
little dusty. Why does a life that once looked vibrant and
colorful, become gray? Is there something wrong here, or, are
our "doer" instincts robbing us of the simple neutrality and
rejuvenation that could be found through surrender to these gray
moments in life? In general, "doer"s are not comfortable with a
lot of gray in their lives. In fact, by our nature we may see
gray as boring, static, listless and dull. We like to have a
plan, a list of things to do and a well-worn appointment book.
We have learned to thrive on the "doing" of life and get high on
the accomplishment of our goals. Sure, we know how to throw out
little pearls like "trust the process" and "smell the roses" but
we're not taking any chances. We're hedging our bets by getting
out there and making things happen through our ability to "do"
"do" "do." And, let's face it, our ability to take action moves
the human race along. It took a group of "doer"s to fight for
Civil Rights and it will take even more "doer"s to solve the
problems this world is facing now. But what happens when all we
know is the realm of "doing" and then one day, "doing" stops
working? We have become so used to the "doer" mode that we no
longer remember that we have options. When faced with challenges
or emptiness we forget that we can take a breath and a break.
Or, if we do stop for even a moment, the stillness makes us
anxious. We are afraid we will be stuck there forever. We "do"
more. "Why do we not trust the process of life to help
facilitate change? If you ask for advice from a non-"doer", they
may suggest that you simply "be." This sounds to the "doer" like
such nonsense. They may be smiling at you and nodding in
agreement, but inside they are incredulous. 'How do I "be?" In
fact, can't I "do" a little something, while I "be?"' How long
does one have to "be" before getting back to the business of
"doing?" This creates a kind of circular thinking that I have
found to be ineffective and downright upsetting. After working
with many clients who struggle with this dichotomy of "doing"
and "being", I have learned something. When they are in the gray
zone, they can only see through the filter of "doing." They need
a reminder in language that a "doer" can understand, that can
help them out of the mucky "do." For someone who is most
comfortable in the realm of action, (even if it means spinning
their wheels) "being," is doing something. In fact, it's
probably one of the hardest skills the "doer" will ever learn.
And, it is one of the most powerful skills if employed at the
right time. And now, these are some ways that I help my "doer"
clients to take a breath, and "be."
1. Take an "Action Vacation". Tell yourself that you are not
going to work on your weight, your job, your relationship or
your life for one whole week. When your mind wants you to work,
work, work. You tell it that you are on an "Action Vacation" and
that you will get back to it next week. 2. Tell one person how
you are feeling. A spouse or friend is preferable, but I have
found that waiters, bus drivers and car wash attendants all have
the facility to listen. You may get many reactions. People are
uncomfortable with discomfort and they may try to fix your
problem. Their reaction doesn't matter - what is important is
that you express the feelings and don't feel the need to explain
why. 3. Take a walk. Somehow physical activity has a way of
quieting the mind. I like to listen to music when I walk,
because this allows me to shut out the incessant chatter of my
"doer" brain, but complete silence may be your preference. 4.
Take a long hot, bubbly bath. This is the oldest trick in the
book, and it works. 5. Write down everything that is going on in
your head - fears, anxieties, questions and thoughts. Read it
over and over until it means nothing or until you are rolling
around on the floor laughing at yourself. 6. Read a self-help
book. Some people call them "shelf help," because we buy them
and leave them on the shelf. Go to your bookshelf and choose
one. Or go to your local library and find something that makes
you feel good when reading the book jacket. 7. Do something you
never allow yourself to do. Watch T.V. in the middle of the day,
skip your exercise class and have an ice cream. Take a nap with
dirty dishes in the sink. 8. Visualize. Lay down in a quiet
place and relax every muscle in your body one by one and then
begin to create pictures in your head. Create what you intend to
have in life. Maybe you want to visualize your own peace of mind
or, perhaps you want to visualize turning your problem or issue
over to a higher power. Visualizing is very powerful even if the
images are not clear in your mind. There are some wonderful
books about visualization that can take you step by step through
the process of visualization. One of my favorites is "Creative
Visualization" by Shakti Gawain 9. Open a book of prayers, daily
thoughts or meditations and read the page that you happen to
find first. There are three books that I use for this purpose;
Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach, A Course in Miracles
and Illuminata by Marianne Williamson. Each approaches life from
a different and profound perspective. When you are not in the
gray zone, add to this list and delete anything that doesn't
work for you. Over time you will create your own personal
"doer's guide to being." When you begin to feel the impulse to
look for solutions - things to "do", tell your mind that you
appreciate its input, but that you have chosen to "do" something
else right now and let that voice fall away. Remember - it takes
practice to shift from "doing" to "being" at will. But even a
few moments of "being" will rejuvenate the "doer" in you.