7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship
7 Myths About Creating A Better Relationship by Cecil McIntosh
In my private practice for over 14 years no matter what my
clients have come to see me about, there has always been an
issue about a better relationship.
Here are 7 of the most common misconceptions my clients have
related to me about having a better relationship. These
misconceptions are followed by my perspective on each one of
them.
Myth 1 I have to love everything about my partner.
Reality Check 1
You were born pure and pristine. You then learnt behaviors from
your parents, teacher, coaches, church etc. (who did their best
to teach you about a better relationship). These behaviors have
become the backbone for your way of living and having a better
relationship.
Perhaps a common behavior that irritates having a better
relationship would be leaving the toilet seat up after use. This
is merely a behavior and not the essence of the person. However,
when you may consider this behavior to be the person, this
destroys the concept of a better relationship, creating all
kinds of conflict in your need for a better relationship.
Myth 2 Love means that I can fix your partner.
Reality Check 2
You met your partner because of some special quality or
charteristic that you admired. You need to accept and allow that
quality to flourish in order to allow you and your partner to
grow into a better relationship.
You may be unaware that you do not even like yourself. Yet by
allowing your partner to grow and expand, you will experience
the quality of your partner and the beauty within you, as you
begin to enjoy a better relationship.
Myth 3
I am supposed to give up the things I like in order to be in a
better relationship.
Reality Check 3
Giving up the things you like to be in a better relationship is
like take a knife and cutting away a part of yourself.
Your better relationship is based on the uniqueness of you and
your partner.
When you give up your uniqueness you rob yourself of a better
relationship, your passion and your partner of your creativity.
Myth 4 I will be rescued by a knight in shining armour.
Reality Check 4
You may have been conditioned to live your life expecting
someone to take care of you. What happens if that person becomes
ill? and is no longer able to take care of you.
Your responsibility in creating a better relationship, is to
bring your passion to the table of your relationship. Some days
you will be the knight in shining armour and another day your
partner will be the knight in shining armour of a better
relationship.
You will each get a chance to shine like star in a better
relationship because of your strengths and weaknesses.
Myth 5 It cost a lot to be in a relationship.
Reality Check 5
In a material context, a better relationship can be expensive if
you think that love is based on the bigger house, car or boat.
Although some of these material assets are necessary, they
should not be at the expense of creating a better relationship.
Love is creating a better relationship by building a
relationship that is based on the simple things in life, like
walking and holding hands, going on a picnic (just the two of
you), or sharing an ice cream.
Love in a better relationship is not about what you show on the
outside but what you express in you heart. Love is not about
money or materialism, love just is.
Myth 6 Love in a relationship is or is not a feeling.
Reality Check 6
It is not what you say, it is what you do. You can say, "I love
you" which may be merely words and no feelings (action). Love is
the action of doing.
If you make a cup of tea for yourself, (the water is boiled),
make a cup of tea for your partner. Whether your partner wants
the tea or not is irrelevant, it is the thought that counts and
the action that cements a better relationship.
Myth 7 I don't have to work at my relationship.
Reality Check 7
As a child, you learned to creep before you walked. Then you
learned the letters of the alphabet. In order to write, you had
to learn how to put those letters together to make words and
sentences.
These sentences then become the way in which you communicated.
When you and your partner stop communicating after learning how
to use the letters of the alphabet in sentences, it's like 2
tape recorders talking to each other - Nobody is at home to
enjoy a better relationship.
In summary:
1. Your partner's behavior in a better relationship is not your
partner's true essence.
2. There is no need to have a clone of yourself. A better
relationship requires some variety.
3. Giving up of your uniqueness to be in a better relationship
is like throwing out the baby with the bath water.
4. In a better relationship there are no superior partners, just
equal partners.
5. Love in creating a better relationship is not about money and
the material assets (although there are important) but the
simple things in life.
6. Love in a better relationship is active not passive.
7. Lack of communication crushes your desire for a better
relationship.