10 Steps To Inner Happiness
I find it interesting that although the United States is
considered by many to be the most prosperous country in the
world and the most prosperous society in history, so many of us
are unhappy. It has also been my observation that an increasing
number of us are awakening to this fact, and are searching for
ways to be happier. Perhaps by taking some of the following
suggestions to heart and putting them into action, you will move
a few steps further down the road to inner happiness.
1. STOP -- In a recent interview with small business guru
Michael Gerber, author of "The E-Myth Revisited," I asked him
what one key step or strategy would it give to listeners that
they could put into place in their businesses that would make
the biggest difference. He summarized it in one word -- stop!
Stop and take the time to really think through what you're doing.
The advice is just as sound in our personal lives. Most of our
lives are simply running out of control. It's like we have our
'pedal to the metal' and we don't know how to take our foot off,
or perhaps we're afraid of what will happen if we do. I'm more
concerned about what will happen if we don't.
2. WHAT IS INNER HAPPINESS? -- One of the most important reasons
to stop the frenetic pace of your life for a while is so you can
begin to answer the question, "What is inner happiness?" Once
you've spent a bit of time on that one, go on to these:
~ What will bring me inner happiness?
~ How will I know when I've experienced a new level of inner
happiness?
~ What will it look like, feel like, what will be happening or
not happening in my life?
~ Where would I want to experience more inner happiness?
At work? At home? With my family and friends?
3. SHIFT YOUR ATTITUDE TO ONE OF 'DESERVABILITY' -- This is a
new word that a participant in one of my workshops recently
coined. I like what happens from combining 'deserve' with
'ability.' We are all able to shift our attitude to one of
deserving happiness. And if you aren't then there may be some
deep seated emotional blocks that need to be addressed through
counseling or some other channels. This step is summarized in
one of my favorite sayings, "Suffering is optional." You deserve
to be happy.
4. HANDLE LIFE'S DETAILS ONCE AND FOR ALL -- The details I'm
referring to are those basic needs that we all have -- food,
clothing, shelter, love, and so on. Is it possible to have inner
peace while your outer life is in turmoil? Yes, actually I
believe that it is possible, but I also believe it's a lot more
challenging and so unnecessary. It's difficult to take the time
to contemplate what will bring you true inner happiness when
your stomach keeps growling from lack of food. Go take care of
your stomach first.
5. ELIMINATE WHAT DETRACTS FROM HAPPINESS -- These next two
steps are so simple in nature that their power can easily be
missed. If you want inner happiness (or pretty much anything
else), eliminate from your life that which detracts from it.
This includes those emotional blocks I spoke about earlier. It
may also include the elimination of 'toxic relationships,'
clutter around your home, unsatisfying work, excess weight, and
other negative 'stuff'.
6. ADD IN MORE OF WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY -- Once you've eliminated
'stuff' that makes you unhappy or detracts from your happiness,
you've made room for adding what will contribute to your
happiness. This can work on many different levels. For example,
once I cleaned and organized my office, and eliminated many of
the file folders that surrounded my desk, there was room to add
some beauty to my office decor. I now have a small fountain on
top of my oak filing cabinet, a decorative aquarium on the
library table and several plants. But when I was surrounded by
clutter, there was no room for these beautiful additions. My
surroundings now contribute to my happiness.
7. FIND YOUR BALANCE BETWEEN INNER WORK AND OUTER EXPRESSION --
I'm recently read a wonderful book by Wayne Muller, "Sabbath:
Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest." (Bantam Books, April 1999)
The following passage points to this important step to happiness:
"The noise of our lives made us deaf, unable to hear when we are
called, or from which direction. Henri (a friend of Muller's and
a priest) said our lives have become absurd -- because in the
word absurd we find the Latin word absurdus, which means 'deaf.'
In our spiritual life we need to listen to God who constantly
speaks but whom we seldom hear in our hurried defense.
On the other hand, Henri was fond of reminding me that the word
obedient comes from the Latin word audire, which means 'to
listen.' Henri believed that a spiritual life was a pilgrimage
from absurdity to obedience -- from deafness to listening."
If you're living a loud life of absurdity, it's important to add
in moments of peaceful rest and solitude so you can listen and
hear life call to you.
8. KEEP WATERING THE ROOTS OF YOUR HAPPINESS TREE -- As you
identify what provides you with inner happiness it's important
to keep doing them. While this may sound so obvious as to be not
worth mentioning, it's surprising how often people stop doing
what they know works. If watering the roots produces luscious
fruit then keep watering the roots. If devoting the first hour
of each day in quiet meditation and reflection helps you stay
centered and present throughout your day and that makes you
happy, then don't drop that special time out of your routine.
9. SPREAD IT AROUND -- Happiness doesn't have to be a one-person
show. While it may begin with you and end with you, in between
are plenty of opportunities to spread it around to others. You
will probably find that spreading it around simply adds to your
own experience of joy and satisfaction, so don't be stingy with
it.
10. ACKNOWLEDGE THE 'SHADOW' AND MOVE ON -- And from time to
time even the happiest among us will have occasion for sadness.
If we didn't, we wouldn't be able to fully appreciate our
happiness. So, when those days come along, embrace them. Allow
yourself to be present to whatever there's just know that you
don't need to stay stuck in the shadows. Acknowledge them and
then, when you're ready, move on.