Ten Critical De-Escalation Skills
Being able to de-escalate one's own and the anger of others is
an important skill to have in business. Hopefully, this is not
something the reader deals with on a regular basis but
unfortunately most people in business encounter either their own
anger or the anger of others more frequently than they would
like.
In order to be successful at de-escalating anger, a person must
understand and become skillful in the following areas.
Prevention Steps:
1. Recognize that anger is a choice of a wide range of behaviors
that could be used to get what one needs in a situation. It is a
behavior that has benefit for its user. Anger can get people the
attention they need, help them escape things they don't want to
do, help them gain control over another person or situation, or
pump them up when they are feeling small and insignificant.
2. The person interacting with the angry person must identify
his or her own emotion at any given point in time. If the
helping person is also experiencing anger, then that person will
not be very effective assisting others to manage theirs.
3. When potential interventionists are experiencing anger, they
must be able to change what they are doing or thinking to get
their emotions under control or seek the assistance they will
need to manage the situation.
4. Perform a quick self-assessment. A potential helper must ask
the following questions. Can I avoid criticizing and finding
fault with the angry person? Can I avoid being judgmental? Can I
keep from trying to control the other person into doing
something he or she doesn't want to do? Can I keep myself
removed from the conflict? Can I believe that the people using
anger have the right to make decisions and choices about how
they meet their needs and that they have within them the ability
to make those decisions? Can I try to see the situation from the
angry person's point of view and understand what need or needs
he or she is trying to satisfy? And finally, can I remember that
my job is to place the healing of relationships as my primary
concern?
If the listener can't answer these questions in the affirmative,
then he or she will need assistance in managing the person who
is expressing anger.
5. Recognize early warning signs. Many incidents of anger could
be prevented if those who are around a person about to become
angry notice the subtle change in the person's behavior. Quiet
people may become agitated; while louder, more outgoing people
generally become quiet and introspective. Paying attention to
these subtle changes and simply commenting on the change could
help the individual talk about things so he or she wouldn't have
to become angry.
Prevention goes a long way. However, there still will be times
when you don't notice the early warning signs or when your first
encounter with the person occurs when they are already in an
angry state.
Also, it's possible that you will do everything right in this
prevention phase and angry people will still choose anger as
their best chance for getting what they want. When any of these
situations occur, the listener will need to employ one or all of
the five de-escalation skills.
Intervention Steps:
6. Active listening is the process of really attempting to hear,
acknowledge and understand what a person is saying. It is a
genuine attempt to put oneself in the other person's situation.
More than anything, this involves LISTENING! Listening means
attending not only to the words the other person is saying but
also the underlying emotion, as well as, the accompanying body
language.
By simply providing a sounding board and a willing ear, a
person's anger can be dissipated.
7. Acknowledgement occurs when the listener is attempting to
sense the emotion underlying the words a person is using and
then comments on that emotion. The person may say something
like, "You sound really angry right now!" By acknowledging and
really trying to understand what the angry person is feeling,
that person becomes able to release a lot of the aggression.
8. Agreeing---often when people are angry about something, there
is at least 2 % truth in what they are saying. When attempting
to diffuse someone's anger, it is important to find that 2 % of
truth and agree with it.
When someone is angry and the listener attempts to reason with
the person, his or her efforts will be largely ineffective. When
the listener agrees with the 2% of truth in the angry person's
tirade, he or she takes away the resistance and consequently
eliminates the fuel for the fire.
9. Apologizing is a good de-escalation skill. I'm not talking
about apologizing for an imaginary wrong. I am talking about
sincerely apologizing for anything in the situation that was
unjust. It's simply a statement acknowledging that something
occurred that wasn't right or fair.
This can have the effect of letting angry people know that the
listener is sincerely sorry for what they are going through and
they may cease to direct their anger at the person attempting to
help.
10. Inviting criticism is the final of the de-escalation skills.
In this instance the listener would simply ask the angry person
to voice his or her criticism of the listener or the situation.
The person intervening might say something like, "Go ahead. Tell
me everything that has you upset. Don't hold anything back. I
want to hear everything you are angry about."
This invitation will sometimes temporarily intensify the angry
emotion but if the listener continues to encourage the person to
vent his or her anger and frustration, eventually, the angry
person runs out of complaints. Just let the angry person vent
until the anger is spent.
Even when using the above ten skills, there may be a rare
occasion when the listener is unsuccessful in the attempts to
decrease the other person's anger. The listener's safety should
be the primary concern. The listener should not get between the
angry person and his or her only means of escape and shouldn't
allow the angry person to block the listener's only means of
escape.
Anyone intervening in an emotionally charged situation should
always have a plan or an established way to get help if needed
and remember to always stay calm. An angry person is generally
someone capable of getting out of control. When out of control
people sense they are intimidating and scaring others, it can
increase their sense of power and control, resulting in an
escalation of the situation. The helpers must stay calm and act
as if they are in control of themselves and the situation.
Should you want Coaching for Excellence to provide staff
development for your employees in de-escalation skills, simply
contact Kim at 708-957-6047, email her at
Kim@CoachingforExcellence.biz or log on to the website at
http://www.coachingforexcellence.biz.