Assertiveness a dilemma...
Many people are not assertive because they are afraid of
displeasing others or not being liked. You may avoid some
immediate confrontation and unpleasantness by not being
assertive. But you could also risk relationships in the long run
if you're constantly unable to assert yourself. This can lead to
low self-esteem and lack of confidence and can become a routine
way of life for some people.
In my experience as a Life
Coach I have found that a lot of people are willing to accept
the cost of their unhappiness rather than speak up for
themselves. Essentially saying I know I have been wronged or I'm
unhappy with something, but I'd rather live with that than
explain how I feel to the person responsible. .
Being
assertive is the balance between being aggressive and passive.
You have the right to have feelings and to express these
feelings in ways that do not violate the rights of other people.
You have the right to be human, to have your needs met, to be
able to change your mind, and to make mistakes. You can make
your own decisions and to live your own life as you choose as
long as this doesn't hurt others or abuse their rights. .
You must remember though - other individuals have a right to
respond to your assertiveness, or even be assertive themselves.
An encounter with another assertive individual should involve
negotiating an agreeable compromise, hopefully with a win win
outcome, where everyone is satisfied. .
Assertiveness goes hand in hand with a person's confidence and
overall effectiveness. Being assertive can help strengthen
relationships, reduce stress, improve your self-image, and make
you more successful. On the whole successful people are
generally assertive. To be successful, as well as meeting the
needs of others you are going to have to have your own needs
met. If you can't assert yourself in this way it will make life
far more difficult, and success will be harder to achieve. In
effect you become powerless to get your wants and needs met. .
At the end of the day, if you're assertive and aware of your own
basic human rights and the rights of others you will get far
more out of life for yourself and the people around you. .
Remember though - you have the right to be assertive, but never
rude or obnoxious. Your assertiveness should never be at the
cost of another's personal feelings or rights. .