The Single Best Way to Build Real Self-Esteem that Lasts Forever
Our nation became obsessed with self-esteem in the 1990s.
Teachers in several school systems were told to discontinue
using red ink when correcting students' homework because it
"hurt their self esteem". Kids received trophies even if they
came in last place, so that no one would feel left out. The
problem now is that this trophy generation is entering adulthood
and isn't prepared for the dog-eat-dog world that doesn't care
about their feelings. They're having a very hard time adapting
to an environment where they aren't praised just for showing up.
True self-esteem cannot be given; it must be earned. It feels
good to receive attention from a member of the opposite sex;
praise from an authority figure such as a boss, parent, or
teacher; or compliments from a colleague or friend, but this
feeling is temporary because it only lasts as long as that
person is there to give it. We usually end up feeling hungry for
more when he or she isn't around. This can create an unhealthy
and ultimately destructive habit of relying on other people for
validation of ourselves, which makes us weak, needy, and
dependent, and leaves us with no self-esteem whatsoever.
So how does one earn self-esteem? A radio talk show host
recently gave the best answer I've ever heard - "Impress
yourself!" Our character, compassion, conscience, courage, or
accomplishments are ways we build true self-esteem. We must work
to earn it. Think about the people in your life with the highest
and lowest self-esteem. Those who perpetually have the lowest
will be the ones who have done the least to earn it and are the
most miserable. Those with the highest will always be the ones
who worked at it and will be the happiest. If you don't know
people at both extremes, just look at who's in the news. Paris
Hilton and Anna Nicole Smith have fame, fortune, and beauty, but
lack self-esteem because they've done nothing to earn it. At the
opposite extreme, Mother Theresa was the humblest person in the
world, but she had high self-esteem. The same is true of the
brave men and women who unselfishly put their lives in jeopardy
to serve our country in the military or protect our communities
by working in law enforcement. A dear friend of mine in Texas
recently told me about how he is helping the victims of
hurricanes Katrina and Rita. It comes as no surprise that Kent
not only has high-self esteem now, but also had it when he lost
his job a few years ago and to make some major career decisions.
Self-esteem comes only when you're truly proud of who and what
you are. In order to build your self-esteem, name three ways you
impress yourself. Be honest because you are the one person you
can't lie to. You might fool others but you can never fool your
own conscience. If you can honestly name three ways you impress
yourself, you'll have high self-esteem no matter what others say
or think about you. If you can't, make this the day that you
start working on becoming the person you were meant to be.