Who is a Compassionate Listener?
It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the
pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at
themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to
themselves and each other.
Within many relationships, rather than engaging in
compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is
the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the
voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create
communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the
angst that can be felt between couples.
While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is
valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with
both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head
while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when
used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and
indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns
into confused feelings.
A compassionate listener is someone who listens with both their
head and their heart.
Here are traits of a compassionate listener:
1. They are commited to listening.
2. They have the intention of understanding, as deeply as
possible, the message and concerns of others.
3. They seek to understand the reality of another through both
compassion and understanding.
4. They refrain from verbal and nonverbal judgments.
5. They are physically and mentally ready to listen.
6. They validate their understanding of the other`s reality
before expressing their opinion.
7. They create a balance between their head and their heart.
8. They remain present and are in the here and now.
9. They are open to new learning experiences about their own
behaviors.
10. They self-evaluate and can laugh at themselves.
Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D